Squirrel Dodger, Ride Blocker

That's right, I saved the lives of two squirrels as I came around that sweet Fort Saskatchewan singletrack and on two separate corners there was one in the middle of the trail and some hard evasive maneuvering was required. You know... like Batman would. 

And two squirrels were saved. awww

This was definitely one of the better ones of the year. Could it be top spot? It's been a weird year so maybe. Everything worked and my singletrack a game was back. It's been a while, The trails flowed well under the small wheeled titanium wonder bike and I think we owe it all to being September. It was warm but it had that sexy Canadian cool tinge to the air. 

Glory season is here. Giddy up.

There was a lot of traffic for a Monday afternoon. A day off from a show last night had me thinking of the days of having time off during the workweek and missing all the traffic. I had hoped for a touch of that today but I was wrong and it was like a Saturday. 

I did get gassed after a power climb and like a jackass I sat in the middle of the trail with headphones on wondering on what weed I would pee on when suddenly there was a super fast dude right on me probably asking me to move and there I was stuck in Lana del Ray-Land. 

I apologized profusely and he was on his way probably thinking all sorts of terrible things about my dumbass. 

Damn kids..

*looks at interns, their heads down on the floor as they should be but their heads were shaking with disapproval  

Yep, at least that was the first for me doing something so blatantly stupid and apologies to the guy I held up. Despite the idiotic moment this was one of the best of the year. 

 

Bitchin Straights Bro

 With little time between football and a concert later I took the gravel bike out from home and found the straight and narrow Township Road 505 out to Eagle Rock golf course and back on a much busier Sunday traffic filled 510 back to Beaumont. 

Vehicles today were very courteous and passed at a wide berth which was awesome but a few oncoming drivers had their eyes on their lap where a phone might happen to be. 

Headphones are usually worn so I don't feel the anticipation of something coming up from behind me on these types of rides. 

If it happened just let it happen and smite me with a Kia Sorrento. It would have been warranted as punishment from the singletrack Gods for yesterdays deplorable day. I do hug the side of the road and it kinda makes it interesting trying to stay so close to the ditch. 

No Kia Sorrento's hit me or anything else like a meteor or a cow shooting an ak-47. I made it home safe and sound. 

Beer Friday. Alley Kat Brewing, Blue Lagoon Blue Raspberry Gose

Just in line with that donut eating walking tub of gravy last ride post except without a bike ride I did nothing today. I had intentions of a good ride and made the pre ride spaghetti and sat down with way too much and ate it all. Why? Cause it's beyond delicious ladies and gentlemen. 

*again, pats self on back

So in the end I ate too much spaghetti and had to have a nap after. Oh My Lord, my wife is right, I am turning into Homer Simpson

This beer was donated by a fine fellow from the previous job I was at which I quit in Feburary. Wait... hold on. That is my birth month and I still don't know how to spell Febuary. Aww shit, red line again. Well dad blasted am I ever an idiot. 

February. Boom! It's that damn r that gets me every time. 

I cannot find much info on this release and almost everytime Google is used to look up a beer that Untapped beer site comes up. It is apparently a social network for beer drinkers. Yep, pretty fuckin weird if you ask me but being the big time beer reviewer and all.. Should I consider a membership at Untapped?  

We went to the beer pouring room and knew this was going to be a cool pour and it delivered. They say it pours a blue colour but It looked to me more like a dirty green. When I put a light onto it I got a few Mountain Dew vibes so I don't know. I mean my eyes could be shot, they have been abused over the years so who knows what I'm seeing. This will pour an immense head if you are not careful and we ended up with a decent chubby two fingered head. Nice. 

Is it brilliant blue as they say? I'm gonna Google brilliant blue now and compare. 

Nope. Not even close.

It has a definite sour tone to it as you smell it which matches the looks and took me back to the days of going to the corner store and picking out the sour gummies.  I was intrigued by the smell greatly making me excited to try this one. The taste hits you with citrus and sour gumballs. This one is sour but it's not too bad and a couple could probably be had back to back.

Alley Kat really nailed it with this one as it is very cool and enjoyable. Unless of course you don't like things that are sour then the no fun bus is waiting for you.

This beer gets 4 suds out of 5.

 

Lardass Rides On

It's been a bummer week with a sore back and I finally said screw it and took an unplanned impromptu ride around town after work. 

The ride was brought on by the picture on the left. That was a picture I took at work after I was kind of excited someone brought donuts and I had to text my wife.   

I think they still call that a chocolate dip? Maybe it has a new name now to try and make it hip. My wife responded with a gif of Homer drooling with a donut and I giggled and went on with my day.

It was about an hour later when I realized 'uh oh! Is my wife comparing me to Homer?'  I mean I texted her a picture of a donut.

I though about that donut for about fifteen minutes after I had it.

I was in trouble.

I figured I should probably ride after work. With rain a good chunk of the day I knew it was gravel bike weather and that black bastard was ready and waiting in the Lonebiker wing of the estate. 

Beaumont rides are typically very boring but this bike makes them quite enjoyable. It's super fast and zippy and coming down a hill I hit 53km an hour going through a school zone. 

*sits back and lights an unfiltered Marlbaro and puts the match out on his bare chest.

*exhales large plum of smoke right into wife's face and dumps ashes onto interns hair. 

I felt the donut jiggle in my belly as I hopped off curbs and took hard fast turns on the back paved trails. This on a mountain bike would not nearly be as fun as I know with all the previous Moots rides. I was almost run over once which was real cool as someone ran a stop sign and almost t- boned me. That would have really sucked. 

Be careful out there kids. People suck. This is why trails are better. 

after trespassing through an illegal field, i was so bad today 

Seahawk Gameday

 Just like last weekend I had a mid sized ride on the gravel bike and rode the mountain bike the next day and my legs didn't last as long as I had hoped. It was the pre watch season opener for the grandest team of them all. The Seahawks as they start a new campaign today. 

The ride was from the old school Mill Creek spot and I climbed out of Blue man and and rode down Dirty Mattress and reversed my heading and was enroute to the Lower Ewok river trail. It's called Rattlesnake as per Trailforks and have probably named it on here before but hey I forget sometimes. 

I climbed up into Upper Ewok and made it up the steep climb right out of the parking lot. It used to be a rideable climb and then I started shift work and a huge downhill slide in riding and bike ownership started.  

The climb up the steep up into Ewok and all the other steeps was a badly needed ego boost. I even passed some guys walking their bikes up one hill and I gotta tell ya. That ego was swelling. The big ego was smashed on West Coast trail as I started getting sloppy and when I found Blue Man Group I was all over the map. 

So I took the hint and rode paved back to the vehicle. One of the better rides of the year for sure. 

To the Strippers!

I had originally planned on riding to the airport and back after turning down the idea of a hot September Saturday and the trails full of people. Or maybe it was too hot and a tad smokey so I'd guess the trails were not too crowded? 

Who the fuck cares? 

It was a road and slight gravel ride out of Beaumont with YEG airport as the destination. It started ok and I felt fine and took the back gravel out of Beaumont and looped over to TWP 510 (I think?) and eased my way into Nisku when the heat started to become a factor and I aborted the airport as the destination. 

I had to have somewhere shorter to go as a destination and thought of the Nisku railroad spur but the long term tradesman in my dumb mind immediately screamed "Strippers!" and it was off to the Nisku strippers on a lazy Saturday afternoon, my how welder of me. 

Don't worry, I think Covid killed that place and it is now transitioned into a pot store. 

So it was destination pot store. I crossed paths with another rider just outside Nisku and quickly turned in disgust when I saw it was an e-bike. I mean whats wrong with me? It was an older guy so he could possibly have slight health issues or he could be recovering from cancer. 

And here I am going "fuck that guy." sigh... I apologize and blame Peloton for this stuck up elitist behaviour. E-bikes are incredibly cool guys. Ok? I'm moving on. 

I rode my non e-bike *proceeds to pat self on back extra hard through Nisku with old familiar weird memories and found the pot store formerly known as... damnit. Was it Airways? Look at me try and pretend that I don't know the name of the former strip. Are you buying it?

I hit the destination and took a pic and found the old Sonic radio station trailer was still there. I rolled back through Blackjacks biker bar and a guy was staring me down like I was the devil. Why are guys that ride Harley's such fucking retards? 

Oh man, I am so gonna get murdered one day. I made little to no eye contact with him and rolled through and every time I casually looked he was staring and squinting as hard as he could squint. Maybe he was just constipated as it was outside Blackjacks after all. 

I left with psychotic bikers in the back of my mind but forgot about it and rode the entire 510 like a psycho. I even vowed to my wife that I would never ride that and people that do are out of their minds. I rode it with that in my mind as cars whizzed past me a few feet away from the handlebars. Maybe I am being dramatic but those shoulders are super tight. 

The intention was to come in from the front side of Beaumont and ride by some apparent carnage when some drunk guy crashed his company truck into some parked cars quite badly and drove home after. What a fucking idiot. I wonder if he rides a Harley? Ha ha... please don't hurt me. 

The ride ended with no carnage as it was all carted away. 

Top notch ride today kids.

ye old strip club

ye old radio station trailer

Seventeen Again

Not sure why but my computer is being a real jerk. The above three pictures took an insanely long time to get in the order I wanted. I was really proud of my iPhone in the top photo so I made it the banner photo which has always been my favourite photo on each ride which I guess would make sense for most blogs just like this. or I guess anything published. 

*high fives self

The top photo was close to the car on No Horses. 

Oh my Lord, sometimes I'm so boring. The ride wasn't so thats good as it was a bit of climbing which did beat me up a bit quicker than I wanted as I started in Fort Edmonton and rode through Karenville (Laurier) where I crossed paths with five different women walking their dogs and I was courteous and friendly and they were back. This was all on the sanctioned mountain bike trail I think. 

I took the Boardwalk out instead of the heavy climb that real men and women ride. The nice easy ascent was great and I rode through glorious Mackinnon singletrack with roots galore and baby it was fantastic.

The legs were not great today but I did have the power to climb up RayGun and did have to stop at one point as the heart rate was going a bit crazy. It was Machete down but I missed a turn and went straight down pretty much and got me a PR on Strava. So something doesn't make sense.

Raven which has not been ridden in a while was it's amazing self. That section of trail has so much to offer. It was through ultra high alien like weeds below End of the World and was soon home. 

Been hitting a lot of 17 kilometre rides lately, hence the title. 

insane weather and trail conditions right now

well i can't see this being open much longer