Happy Sunday

Days Off Final Salvo

A fine end to a great set of days off. With the May sun shining I set off on my silver chariot from Old Timers and instead of going right into the trails I hooked it left and went straight to Blue Man group trying to be a badass thinking nobody starts rides this way from old Timers.

Yes I know I’m wrong and unoriginal but it was today’s fantasy moment. You know the type of dream right? Elephant bodied unicorns fly overhead shooting dark rainbow coloured shards of molten steel from their asses as you went the opposite way to start a ride. You know? That kind of dream. That’s normal right?

So anyways... Blue man and then a double fingered “Fuck you!” To the house that some dickhole is building. The Trap and then mid Ewok. Yes... I said “Mid Ewok” I know some trail dorks just scoffed at that lonebiker nonsense. And damnit I do not apolagize.

 A climb up some paved bullshit and a quick rest and I was soon on CaddyShack and Andre’s. Easily some of the best trails in the whole Edmonton area. I tucked my tail and rode across Gretzky bridge (Capilano Bridge for the normies.) and soon found myself up inside Edmonton’s seedy underbelly, I averted some crazies and was downtown where I soon found Walterdale and rode back with Old Timers being the final dirt for the week (Yes, probably ain’t called “old Timers” anymore but that’s what it is in Kennatopia Land. So go eat a dick.)

My.... I’m coming off mighty abrasive this ride chatter. Maybe I’m just grumpy cause I’m gone from this for a week.

Well sheeeit... I think it’s that right there.

East Side and Out

I forgot how much it takes to build up kilometres while riding real trails. It was a short dip in the valley with intentions of hitting Gold Digger and a couple of the other area trails and leaving.

I rode Gold Digger and then the porno trail and decided Risky Business should end a quick recovery  day ride.

Hey! You know what? I have nothing to say about today's ride. It was great. It was short but just what the trail Gods were calling for. I'm having a serious case of writers block over here so do you mind?

Sorry, see you all tomorrow hopefully.

Dried Dirt and Mean Streets

It was a decent return back to the bikes after yesterday, a failed bike ride in the Hawerlak region where my legs screamed "no more!"

The ride from Old Timers to the old museum where a climb out and a good old classic out of breath panic attack came full swing while in the trees. My helmet and jock strap was off and everything.

It was pretty awesome.

Once I collected my stuff and my wits I continued on up. Lovers Lane was ridden where lots of other people have apparently discovered this trail. The same trend continued in my lovely lady Victoria’s Secret. People galore!  so instead of staying in the valley I stayed out. Can't blame people. It's Saturday and the weather was epic so everyone is outside.

I decided to ride across downtown and hit the Jasper ave Traverse. I was going to cross the river and hit Caddyshack and Andre's but decided against it due to the sheer number of people out on the trails.  Instead I entered Mill Creek and gave it some love on The Trap and then Blue Man group.

I rode down Dirty Mattress and hit West Coast trail where the ride ended. In the end, another winner.

Yes, the trails are all top notch. Some of the lower usual problem areas are still muddy but some things never change right?

Beer Friday. Hard Knock Brewery. Sun Up to Sun Down .

We having a Beer Friday done on an actual Friday? Well hold on son. This shit is actually going down.

Wait! What? It's not even a previously written and posted later review? This is actually happening live? Well ladies, gentlemen and transients... Or is it transitioners? Oh damnit! Now I think I insulted the third part of the community. If I can explain myself please... Is it the third part? Is that bad too?

Truth be told. I don't care one way or another. People switching are doing whats best for themselves. Lets leave them be, this includes the left side as much as it does the right.

Hard Knock was established in two-seventeen so it's just an infant in the brewery world. It was established in Black Diamond Alberta. A kickass old Albertan mining town which is brimming with pride. Let's pour some beer.

We poured this into my trusty Park Tool tester mug and a dirty beer filled the glass. It was like tainted ginger ale. A short lived two and a half fingered head made it's presence. Brown sugar was the main bandit when it came to smelling this. Well that and old banana. The old banana smell worried me as I am one of those who believe banana flavouring should not be in any food with the exception of bananas.

Well we tasted it and guess what. Bananas are strong. So I did what any good reviewer did. I kept going. I'm not going to let some bananas ruin the most grandeur Beer Friday that ever was! Hell no!I'm going to climb onto that horse and ride that bad ass into the sunset with my beer stein in my hand.

We tasted it again and well holy crap. I can't...

Sorry Hard Knox. It's not your fault.

This beer gets 0 suds out of 5.

The Granny Gear World Championships

A recovery ride or just an attempt to get out cause I can? It was more of a feeling of wanting to get that trail euphoria again as I set out to Fort Saskatchewan. The order of the day? Even slower than usual and I kept it in granny gear for the whole ride which honestly started out as a way to relieve very sore muscles and it turned into a game of keeping it in granny gear the whole bike ride.

Oh the weird fun I have on bike rides...

Fort Saskatchewan. A place to ride when everything hurts from riding but you want to keep riding. A fellow rider on the trail scoffed at my admission that I came here to recover sore muscles. I asked him to show me where the hard relentless climbs are (nicely of course) and he could not. I did say things are challenging here but aerobically there are far harder trails to ride in Edmonton.

Am I right? If wrong please send emails cause I really care deeply on this subject.

The trails today were prime and filled me with the euphoria I was searching for. I don't know what it is about this week but the rides have each been absolutely spectacular.

And in the end. I won those Granny Gear world championships.

Westbound and Down

A visit to the west end of Edmonton today where a Cameron Heights start was had amid all the white ladies driving S.U.V's or high end mini vans trying to one up each other giving me the stink eye as I had invaded their neighbourhood to start a bike ride.

Bottle Rocket was ridden and I gotta say 'damn... That has turned into one hell of a trail.' If you start at the top by the fence it will not let you down. Singletrack snakes its way through the grass and trees and before you know it you are ripping downhill with the odd beer can greeting you on the end of a branch as you whizz by.

Car parts and an old car greet you along the trail. It does sound a bit trashy but it seems to work with the ambience of the trail. Ladder bridges and built up berms add to the fun. This is exactly what this area needed as the other option is a long paved boring stretch that seems to never end. Which I rode up to finish the ride.

The Staff College climb was ridden and Go Trail. Soon I was in Oliskew and my legs were feeling the affects of two straight days of riding after nothing much in the past few weeks.

The ride home was a bit of a struggle. Sore legs and screaming lungs had wanted nothing to do with bikes and screamed for the couch and an iPad. "Fuck no!" I yelled staying resilient in light of a very difficult situation.

Then came the Go Trail return...

There I was sitting in front of Go Trail's westbound entrance scared if I ride it I may black out from exhaustion and slip into a coma and wake up five years from now to find my wife remarried and my daughters growing quite fondly of the new Dad and forgotten all about me.

A very real fear that almost pushed me onto the multi use.

At once I realized what I was about to do and miss all that heroin inspiring singletrack and I rode Go Trail like a man. Not a little bitch with his tail tucked between his legs. No sir, I will ride like a little bitch tomorrow.

Unexpected Awesome

First ride back from work and I was expecting a wet weather ride on multi use and paved to kick things off but once in Mill creek ravine things were quite dry and I knew this was going to be a gooder.

The Moots was the choice in bikes again as the Altitude is undergoing mid life or late in life repairs to make it through the season. The ride was short which is sad cause the conditions today were pure epic. The cold weather and skiffs of light rain reminded me I was in the middle of central northern Alberta in early May. Cause dammit. I'm smart enough to understand the weather we get here. On that note. Fuck you social media, you whiny little bitch.

That feels better.... The legs did give out after taking the lower Ewok river trail (does that one have another name too? Meh, who cares, it will always be lower Ewok to me.) to upper Ewok. Once I was at the bottom after rolling through the amaze that is Holy Trail I knew it was time to head back.

The bike was on point today as well as the trails. The conditions are amazing and with no leaves budding things are incredible for riding right now. So go on... Get out there kids.

potty break along the river(don't freak out, i pointed towards the bushes)

Happy Friday

Beer Friday. Alley Kat Viridian Dragon

As we bring you another instalment of Beer Friday let it be known that a rather severe case of allergies has afflicted the entire beer review team (well... me) so that tonights final outcome might be compromised.

Yes that's right. I feel a disclaimer is much apropos to this review. Sorry to be a little bitch and get sick on days off. I know I should be out riding and writing about it. The ride on Thursday was great but the next day was quite sad. The temptations to take the shitbike out in the snow today were strong but I refused to take it out cause well..

So here we are. On a Saturday night getting ready to pour Alley Kat's Viridian Dragon into the tester glass and see where the night takes us. Alley Kat is my favourite brewery in Edmonton and I was gifted this one to test which makes me happier than a choir boy getting away from church camp.

A warning to you kids. This one could be very hard to find as it is a special limited edition release so if it's spectacular and you cannot find it. Please don't show up at my doorstep with pitchforks and burning empty wooden kegs like you did when you couldn't find Molson M.

We poured and a golden musty looking beer filled the review glass. It looked very typical of a strong IPA except there were no hipsters with man buns in the room to observe this. How disappointing.

The first sip was not what we expected from a double IPA as the IPA bitterness was there but not in high numbers. A few more were had and I took away tastes of  bready caramel biscuits (if there is such a thing) besieged by a wave of citric acid which surprisingly was quite the thing I needed. If you can find this, get it. It's not too shabby. Alley Kat brings out new double IPA's every two months. So go have a lookey loo.. I guess I would bring these into my review every two months if I was a passionate beer reviewer who loves Alley Kat.

Well sheeit.. That probably ain't gonna happen.

This beer gets 4 suds out of 5. 

First Dirt of Nineteen

Ahhhh singletrack... Oh I love thee.

The first tracks were made on a day of incredibly bad allergies which forced me to throw in the towel on  a ride and/or beer review yesterday. I said 'fuck it' and took the bike out today even though my head felt like weighed an extra twenty pounds.

The first tracks of the day were on Old Timers. The feeling of being on real trails on a real bike is really quite amazing. I know fat biking is fun and all but it is really something how much better Summer riding on real trails is over pretty much anything.

Gnome trail and Six Shooter were ridden up to where I decided Machete was a good ticket down back in the valley. Raven was ridden for the second time going the same way (westward) and the contender for best trail in Edmonton rang out in my head. A trip to that area is high on the priority list to ride it eastward again.

Maybe a trip to Staff College or Cameron Heights on this set off is in order? From there Go Trail, the Oliskew trails and possibly Selkirk can be hit on the way to Raven. Why... I hear Farmers Daughter has a new extension.

fyi, everything ridden is good to go, if you encounter muddy trails don't be a shithead

Beer Friday. Ale Architect, Charleston Spiced Rye Saison

Throwing this out on a day off of riding to be posted when I am up battling bitumen as it attacks me with fury and a renewed vigor.

Well... That's not exactly how it goes when I'm up there. My main worry is not posting at all. I have gone up for a week and forgot about LB completely until I come home. I set reminders on my iPad but still it gets passed by. So, when will you be seeing this? I'm hoping I remember on Friday, I will be on nights which completely screws every sense up.

As for me now, it's Saturday and I took a day off of riding (did I not mention that already?) which I instantly regretted. Well no I didn't regret it too long as my daughters and me hung out around town. My legs are in rough shape so it wasn't hard to decide to forgo a ride. But damn... It would have been a nice one out there today.

The pour gave us a scare as once we cracked it open a furious stream of hissing foam came out like it had been thrown around the room by a drunken fool. Only there are no drunken fools here. Just a bunch of professional beer testers.

Could it have gone bad? The entire room held their breath as I bravely took the first sip to test the waters. We have done so many beer reviews on here and have opened a couple that had expired. It's never a fun experience.

Nope... All good.

Or is it... The smell is that of a bakery that has been closed for a week. It still retains its earthy aroma, it's just vacated a little bit. That's what this one reminds me of. The taste is of an earthy toned down bread factory (there I go again, with that reference) Mild hops with toned down flavours of unsalted, buttered popcorn with toned down citrus rounding it out. That's the thing with this one. It's toned down.

I read somewhere that this one was spicy? Say what? Did it turn on us?

I don't think so.

This beer gets 2 suds out of 5.

Happy Thursday

Foote Field Scamper

A short ride that had the valley in mind by parking at Old Timers yet I stayed out and took Saskatchewan Drive and the University area all the way to Foote Field for a destination ride on a very shortened version.

It was cold, windy and crappy. Seriously nothing exciting to write about here. Just another notch in the belt as we move closer to dry trail riding.

Paved and Beautiful

With no ride plan in mind I just went.  Picking a starting point was the worst, I had deliberated each different and odd starting point that I could think of to try and make the ride different and in the end I came up with starting at Mill Creek.

Yes, Mill Creek, otherwise known as 'Ye Old Parking Spot' where years of riding had started at that point. The people and characters I have seen in that spot are quite memorable. I've seen full blown affair meet ups happen there, Countless mis-behaved dogs, legions of grumpy old men and women and in two thousand and seven a murder happened right there.

It is the best spot in the valley to start. That is my biased views on the Mill Creek parking spot. It's central and opens you up to Mill Creek ravine which eventually spits you out where countless other trails snake their way through the valley along the river. It's why almost everyone I know who rides has lived or wants to live in Mill Creek.

I took it downtown and rode the homeless route eastward and eventually found myself on the CN Rail main line riding alongside the tracks. Eventually I was in another new and boring Edmonton neighbourhood where the houses all have the same uninteresting look.

Not gonna lie. That neighbourhood depressed me and I was glad to have finally found the entrance to Hermitage park.

Finally, trees and no more shitty houses. Fuck ya.

The valley was ridden and I suffered on the southside valley climbs and finally left the valley for the final time and rode paved and scared back to Mill Creeks ye Old Parking Spot on Edmonton's still incompetent bike lanes. They came a long way but there are still some pretty big holes.

dickheads will be dickheads

i remember this fondly being a trail and not a home for a giant dickhead