Thursday, September 29, 2016

Beer Friday. Mikkeller, US Alive


Beer Friday! On a Thursday? Say it ain't so!?

Well it's so. Get used to this. Could be the new thing. New work and new hours has things being bumped around all over. A meeting with the Lonebiker executives was quite heated which resulted in me firing every single one of them. Yes I let my raging power get the best of me but they had it coming.

Nobody out power trips the lonebiker. Nobody!


Sadly though, most of the staff walked off once word hit and I am left alone to do this beer review by myself with one intern who doesn't speak a word of English.

Mikkeller brewery which opened in two thousand and Six in Copenhagen, Denmark under the watchful eye of Mikkel Borg Bjergso, a physics teacher who decided not to make meth and do something right for the world. Which naturally is, brew beer. The brewery has gotten quite popular and Mikkeller is delivering world wide serving a ton of different beers that no man will ever catch up to. Well maybe some will but not me.

Although I really want to.

I believe this is the first Mikkeller beer on Lonebiker and I couldn't be more excited. "Ok, Babkarp, lets pour this one shall we!" I yelled out to my lone intern. Quickly Babkarp followed suit and started to pour and gave us a fine pour showing off Mikkeller's, US Alive in all it's sudsy goodness! a good five fingered head stood atop of this one and showed no signs of going away.

Me and Babkarp held each other which evidently turned out to be quite awkward for Babkarp. So he left.

It is up to me and me alone to finish this one and after a few sips of this Belgian Strong Ale I knew this one was a triple slam home run. Grapefruit, but not quite. A hoppy beer without the strong taste of hops. Malty goodness with traces of caramel round this amazing one. To top it off the lacing was there drooping down the glass sending me into a quadruple beer tasting orgasm.

Mikkeller, you make good beers, Ill be back for more.

This beer gets 5 suds out of 5


Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Pumpkin Spiced Trail Tales




 A bit of a disappointment of a ride which I have nobody to blame but myself, but a rather large crescendo of shit occurred at the trailhead which quickly doomed a potential "gooder."

Parking at Cameron Heights turned to hell as they had the area blocked off all thanks to a drilling rig and or pipeline coming into the area.  I turned back and drove across the river to return and park at the gravel road that someone deemed a parking lot sometime ago.

What do you know? It's closed to parking too.

Frustratingly I backed up to get back into the Henday to drive into the houses in Cameron Heights. I did not see the big post behind the Jeep which hit my ever so precious and then the Jeep.

Wow. Two strikes with one blow. Epic. I had to take the bike off to get past the post. Luckily no damage to bike or Jeep was evident.

Or was it?

Once riding I noticed the handlebars were off, I tried straightening over and over but to no avail. I thought the carbon bars were bent but quickly slapped myself for thinking carbon would bend without shattering into a million pieces.

The entire ride I thought something was seriously wrong with the bike. Was it? Or was it a preconceived notion garnered from earlier crashing bike and Jeep into pole earlier?

I never got out of Terwillegar. I was done.

The trails were simply magical, a bloody shame having to leave such an awesome riding opportunity.


white escalade driving cross fit women would completely lose their shit if they saw this place

Monday, September 26, 2016

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Seeking Selkirk, Round Two



I had visited this trail on one of the rare summer rides this year and was not very impressed. I did get rained out of course cause it was Summer Two-Sixteen and I have been intrigued by this one for months.

So I returned with the sole purpose of riding this one. Everything that came after was of no concern.

Sadly I decided to come to Whitemud Park to park on a day where everything in Edmonton was free.

The gates to Tightwad city had opened up and I was in the middle of skinflint alley. It was scary. Quickly I retreated and drove up the hill and parked on Saskatchewan drive perched above Hawerlak.

I rode through crowds of people all on their way to Fort Edmonton. I was grumpy. I got caught in clouds of vape making me wonder. Does one become a douchebag for being in a vape cloud?

Quickly I was in Selkirk leaving the throngs of people behind. The endless switchbacks slapped me and my poor legs, lungs, and soul. Midway through Selkirk I started smiling. I was loving this. Does this trail have any flow whatsoever? Hell no. For "flow" this trail is worse than the Science Park. This trail has flow like a midlife fat white guy dancing at a Manhattan night club.

This is one that won't be ridden on long rides as it will sap the energy quite quickly. This is not a trail for everyone. Department store bike riders need not apply. What I loved about it today is this was a mountain bike trail, Mountain bikes are not supposed to be easy to ride, that's why we have road bikes.

I only rode it going west, the thought of riding back into the vaping crowds sent shivers down my spine. I can only imagine it will be a badass motherfucker either way with endless steep switchbacks.

This won't be a Winter trail. Maybe after fresh snow. Once we get the thaw to freeze winter I could only imagine the fat bike ruts on the steep switchbacks will be treacherous.

Ironically the ride ended after crossing the river and ending up in Laurier. Home of the zoo. Home of the free admission day zoo... Doh!


*Edit, if you partook of free admission day need not be offended and send angry emails. Free is good, it's just the amount of people that was bad.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Beer Friday. Saugatuck Brewing, Blueberry Maple Stout


A return to a blueberry beer after a disastrous Friday last week which left three interns dead and our head beer pourer in a coma. Shit went down after the post was up. Shit I or any lonebiker Beer Friday  employee don't want to speak of ever again.

Let's just leave it at that.

Today was a much better day and I can tell you the riding schedule will improve drastically, you can expect the beer Fridays to happen on Thursdays and Sundays now as a new job came with quite the different schedule. A lot less hours than before which is A - ok with me. This Summer was a bit lame brained when it came to doing anything fun.

Today's brew from Douglas Michigan is from Saugatuck. A brewery that started in two thousand and four by one guy with one barrel by the name of Barry Johnstone and now is flourishing in it's home state of Michigan. Like most craft breweries featured on here they seem to keep expanding and expanding making one wonder... Is starting a craft brewery the way to go? All you need is a beard and some flannel clothing and you should be on your way right?

I among all the other staff were quite scared to do the pour. I'll admit this was a brave thing to do after last weekends tragedy of a beer review. One of the interns came up to me trembling a few moments ago and said he could not be here for this one. The pressure was just too much. I mean another blueberry brew after last weeks tragedy?

That's right folks, this is why I am the pinnacle of beer reviews for bike, beer blogs in the Beaumont Canada, Beau Meadow neighbourhood. No other blog come close!

Let's pour this one shall we...

The pour gave a dark beer that screamed blueberry and anger. How could those be a combination you ask? Don't look at me. Look at Saugatuck Brewery for they put this masterpiece together. The smell was the second sign that things would be ok. The first sign was the head that formed. Last weeks beer had no activity. The first sip was of strong blueberries and maple syrup. As a proud Canadian tears of pride rolled down my cheeks while drinking this one. Say what! This is an American brewery too. Well shut my mouth! A strong sense of malt also enveloped the taste buds.

In the end a great tasting beer loaded with taste. I just don't recommend a six pack as after one you will want something else. Not to take away from a great brew it is just a lot of taste for one sitting. Once you have one move on to something lighter.

This beer gets 3.5 suds out of 5


Thursday, September 22, 2016

Mod Yard Detox in Full Force







*Edit. The above pictures are somewhat of a farce as you can not see the pain that was strongly evident in the eyes, the ears, the nose, and just overall.

Working through the entire Summer with very little bike rides has taken it's toll.

Nevertheless, an awesome ride from the old school Mill Creek to the Science park all on the South side on the outward loop. The back home loop, a different story. Multi use and paved took me home on overly tired legs and a worn out riding soul.

It started in the upper Mill Creek sexy and saucy singletrack. The climb up was a sufferfest but the overall feel of a nice bike on some damn fine singletrack was just what the Doctor ordered. From Mill Creek I hit the lower trails to Dawson Bridge which brought on a very dirty bike and rider giving the impression that I was kicking ass to the novice viewers.

I can't be to upset of today's performance. After riding Caddyyshack, Andre's, and Risky Business I had grown quite a bit of confidence. That being said the confidence came after countless granny gear climbs.

I mean countless. The bike automatically shifted there without me touching anything when a hill approached.



I did get off and fell to my knees on one climb in Caddyshack and yelled out to the bike Gods pleading for more granny gear. "Come on!" looking up at the sky pleading with someone. "Just gimme a bit more granny for the push up!" Eventually I lost it and yelled "SOMEONE MAKE THIS FUCKING EASIER FOR ME DAMN YOU!"


A small flock of birds took off from a group of trees in the distance.

This shit was getting ugly.

I pulled it together and rode through Gold Digger and Cambodia with one push up a hill. By the time I got to the Science park I knew I was returning on the multi use and paved on the easiest route possible.

Which I did. I had a hard time making it back. Baby steps, I should have taken baby steps...


Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Monday, September 19, 2016

One For The Yawn Files



Uninspired with nothing in the legs to give I turned around on the Belgravia river trail just a short six kilometers in. I blame starting late and riding out from Kinseman. Kinseman sucks.

That's all I have kids. Till next time...

Sunday, September 18, 2016

The Return



 A grand return to the bike on a fine Sunday.

A ride from the old school Mill Creek parking spot to the top of Forest Heights on the Moots was just what the Doctor ordered to dip the feet back into the immense river valley.

I teased myself with the notion of riding singletrack but after seeing some rather large puddles I elected to stay off. A decision I did not regret once mid ride knowing the trails were most likely good to roll on.

So yes the ride was mainly asphalt and multi use but don't judge me. With this newfound unemployment the decision was made to ride bikes and ride them often. Will I make up for lost time from the Summer? I'd say that's doubtful.

Frustration at the city was felt after taking the loop on the outside and coming up to the doomed Cloverdale bridge on the north side. The paved trail that takes you to the top is all roped off, luckily there was a goat trail beside the fence that one could ride up, oddly enough halfway up the trail isn't blocked making one wonder why it was blocked off at the bottom. The trails are only two and a half meters wide. Why did they have to block it?

Strange.

In the end, a good short ride.Large groups of dog walkers made me wonder what was going on. Falling leaves and cool weather made me happy I have lot's of time to ride now.

goat trails to avoid the bullshit

Friday, September 16, 2016

Beer Friday Evil Twin, Justin Blaeber


On a very special edition of lay off Beer Friday we go to New York's Evil Twin brewery for some good old blueberry beer goodness. Whats that? You say... Laid off? Oh finally this blog will return to normal and a strong delighted crowd stood up and applauded this big news.

And what do I have to say? Thanks for being happy I have no job you selfish fucking assholes.

Ahhh.. Who am I kidding, we all knew this was going to happen. September was D day month. We are in a bad recession but I'll be fine. I only worry about how the next job will affect the holiest of holies which is riding.

Until then, enjoy the increased lonebiker activity.

Evil Twin as I said is from New York and is quite possibly home to some of the best craft beer labels in the world. From "Yin" to "Yang" and "I Love You Without My Stout" with tons of Jesus themed beers they have a beer catalog that could fill this cheesy ass blog for a whole year.

The pour was quite disappointing. Once a quick sniff test was done we could tell something was seriously off. A quick taste and yep. This one had gone bad.

No more pics, no more content. Guess this just adds to a crappy day. Will try this one day down the road. I was quite intrigued.

Sorry chumps.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Friday, September 9, 2016

Another Lonebikerless Weekend

a group of fans react outside lonebiker headquarters once news broke out
Sorry Kids, work has taken over again, lucky for you (not me) it should be the last Saturday and Sunday as the project is coming to an end.

Hers is a list of things you can do in the interim:

*Go pee off the High Level. (why am I so obsessed with this?)

*Go pee off the Low Level. (Well you already peed off the High Level...)

*Go to the Garneau area and play hipster bingo.

*Ride the LRT. Ride that bitch up and down the full line including the new Metro Line. Take your hipster bingo cards with you.

*The elevators in Canada Place are pretty kick ass. Just saying.

*Drink yourself into a worthless slumber.

* Drive by the mod yard for a chance to get a lonebiker autograph. Chances are I'll just look the other way if I see you coming trying to get my attention. Shortly after my body guards will get a hold of you and fuck your shit up.

*Go for a bike ride you nitwits!

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Monday, September 5, 2016

Someone Slap Me




A ride that could have been spent better on the couch at home watching Happy Days. Within four kilometres in I had absolute nothing. Once back home I pondered in a depressed state at what happened and came up with a rather small but good list of excuses.

With a 48 hour work week ahead done in 4 days with a possible lay-off in the end can be kind of a bummer on a holiday Monday. These thoughts have been circling my mind for some time now and were quite rampant this morning as I set out. With a bad state of mind I hit Old Timers and then Gnome trail where at the end I was sadly feeling done.

I pushed on but turned back after reaching Emily Murphy where I crossed the bridge and rode the River Valley road home where a certain bike race was setting up but I sadly had no interest.

Oh my God...!

What the hell is wrong with the Lonebiker!?

Will he get his shit together before the Fall riding season and defeat the evil Leaflor!?

Will the Lonebiker brethren be reunited in an epic end to end ride before the snow falls!?

Stay tuned kids.



when this is your return home and the trails are rideable... 

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Quenching the Bike Thirst




A much needed bike rice on the long weekend happened after missing out on riding yesterday. Today's ride almost was omitted as a very late night happened the night before.

The ride was classic Lonebiker as I was all alone in the woods and it was magnificent. I went where I wanted and took long ass forty year old coffee breaks as I sat and pondered at just how nice the valley can be. Just do that, you owe it to yourself. That valley is quite magnificent. Not saying I don't like riding with the Lonebiker brethren. They are the brethren after all. Just nice being all by yourself. I truly feel sorry for people who need to be surrounded by people.

The ride started in Kinseman and looped over the Quesnell after avoiding lots of stuff on the south side. Multi use took me pretty much to the shiny balls and I returned on the North side into Laurier through dog crazed lunatics who looked at me menacingly as I approached. The trick to beating them you ask? Kill them with kindness. Slow down, smile, ask how they are doing and let them know the number in your group. I'm sure some of them have a bad image of mountain bikers as they have been run down in the past.

The long slow climb out of Laurier took me to Mackinnon where slippery wet roots challenged me and the hardtail. In the end we won and the roots were defeated. I took the new extension off the pussified Back Breaker and turned around. Ninety degree turns with steep power climbs angered me (and it is a new trail that is wet which didn't help.)

I appreciate the trail work going on immensely but have been finding I will be avoiding some of these as there is no trail flow whatsoever. Switch backs with short power climbs repeatedly tend to get old quickly. I'm sure even to the power lung riders out there.

Oh sorry... Am I being grumpy? I love the trail work, those guys are my heroes. Just make them flow a bit better is all I ask.
another great view discovered, damn i love this valley
potty break brought to you by das moots and the leaves