Clumsiness and Clueless People

The ride. A trip from Mill Creek to Capilano Bridge and back started out fine on the paved from my old classic parking spot . I dropped In to the trail on my favourite small section of singletrack once you cross 76 avenue and was met with a shitty dog with two shitty people walking it who looked angry at me for coming down the trail. The couple who looked like they type that get offended by everything on the Internet would definitely be Tweeting about this or posting it on Facebook. I thought about it after and realized I probably scared the dog, it did attack me but didn't land any bites. Could you imagine the outcry I could have raised if it did? Oh man... That would have been awesome.

Sadly though I don't have that douche gene and would have done nothing. In the end I understand dogs and he was just doing his thing, although I know ours and we keep them on a leash in the valley cause we don't want shit to go down. Maybe these women could have done the same?

Several missteps on a clumsy ride took me to the Edmonton Queen trail where a mid trail collision almost occurred right on the top of the berm. I did the Canadian thing and apologized and told him I'm alone and the trail is open as far as I know. He said nothing.

Fair enough. People are shy. I guess I get it. Proper trail etiquette is to let people know about the size of your group. No? The MEC bike he was riding is a sign that he is new to the trails so I smiled and was on my way.

Birdhouse trail and lower Ewok along the river were ridden and it was a poor decision. Heavy mud puddles were relentless and I finally had to stop and contemplate a life of riding after one almost took me out.

I was grumpy. I needed CaddyShack. I needed Andre's.

Both trails were ridden. The new entrance to Caddy shack gets two thumbs up. At the end of Andre's I was reborn.

Funny how amazing singletrack can do that despite a series of riding errors throughout the trails.

A crossing of the river went down and I took the Dawson Park trails unencumbered from fuck ups (yes, I know. Easy trails.)

Mill Creeks high side singletrack took me back to end an odd day of ups and downs.

Beer Friday. Moosehead Brewery. James Ready 5.5

A day off early from night shift to help me kick back into normalcy is not a bad way to end a rotation. Simply put. I should be working tonight but instead am drinking beer and writing about it on the internet.

Carpe Diem...

James Ready comes from Moosehead Breweries located in Saint John, new Brunswick which was started in 1867. For Canada that is pretty a pretty old brewery and the inner beer geek in me wants to take a trip. Wait a minute.. I can travel to the east coast United States for cheaper? Well maybe if Canadian airlines all got their act together more time will be spent in the country when on a voyage.

The test team all together opened and poured this one into the classic beer review glass and it showed a golden beer which has been typed about on here probably a hundred times. It was golden, it looked refreshing. It looked delicious. A small head of one and a half fingers showed but didn't stick around and eventually it turned into a half moon of undead suds resting on top.

The first sip was everything a true lager should be. Cold (well I guess that was up to me) crisp, refreshing. All that combined to make the start of these days off all the better. Gotta be honest, getting notes of anything from a lager is incredibly hard. It's lager and it's simple.

This one ain't crappy and I suggest you find it.

This beer gets 3.5 suds out of 5.

HumpDay, Bonkday

Not a lot to tell here. A shortened ride from todays plan. Bonking in Old Timers when I took the top picture panoramic showing all the little trail entrances ended what would have been good. I could have stayed and fought it off but I had to get ready for work and do adult things (not those type of adult things you freakin perverts!)

So expect a week of empty. Maybe a video or two and if I feel up to it I'll have a beer review done tonight for later...

Roots Amaze

A roll from Terwillegar park where I parked there and immediately left on my bike hitting Oliskew's finest. BDSM and Flat Pete. Dry trails greeted me and it was quite the feeling rolling through some fine trails on a nice bike that almost ended up on a local buy and sell page.

I climbed up through Patricia Heights towards Bed Springs. A trail laced with more roots than those Kardashian douchebags have selfies. On the way up I came across a very sketchy person lying down in the middle of the trail with a moped and a generator. The smell of gas was strong and I assumed he spilled it all over the ground trying to get something going. A cheaper RMB Vertex and a child carrier was in the area too and I knew this guy was a thief. A call to the police warranted nothing as they said a car would probably be there in a bit (aka, a couple hours most likely.) I didn't want to wait and kept moving telling them where he was and gave my info.

I didn't hear anything and understand this was probably low on their priority. Still I didn't like the idea of this guy down there in the same area where me and Jason saw a couple 8 year old girls walking alone. I guess I could have pushed and done more.

I rode on and hit Bed Springs after a lull of being in the area. I was beaten like a nerd in the nineties before there was a giant pushback on bullies to stop bullying. You remember those days? The beatings were brought on in fruitful numbers. You notice nowadays the nerds are walking free and unencumbered as the soccer Moms may have finally gotten the upper hand on the bullies all thanks to social media.

Back in the day a beating was coming and everyone knew it.

Which was me today on Bed Springs. Every corner I felt the fear of the bully trail slapping me on the face or giving me an ungodly wedgie. Luckily I have a decent bike which helped fend off the attack but my poor conditioning had me give in and I had to stop several times on the trail to gather myself and regroup.

This trail is so much fun but also quite challenging. The roots are endless and they are badass. I'm sure the chumps cutting out the roots and pussifying the trails wouldn't even bother here, it's just too much.

I exited and rode down memory lane and ended up on Farmers Daughter after dissing the Talus Dome and ended with an incredible journey down Lansdown.

The trails are quite awesome right now kids. Get out there.

Trail Destruction Makes me Angry

 Back to the singletrack today in incredible conditions making me rethink all my ill will I have for the month of July. Wait a few tics... It's August now.

Well damn.... Maybe it really is a July thing.

The sad thing is I don't think I even got over 12 kilometres and the toll on the body was way higher than my 25ish? (I really got to look on Strava more) ride on paved yesterday. The feelings from today's ride are so much more orgasmic. That's the power of singletrack.

I rode over to The Trap in Mill Creek. The high singletrack trails on the north end of the ravine where on social media I saw numerous posts about a root that got cut out. Lots of people were angry and rightfully so. I knew where this root was (sorry no pics on this post) as it was before the ladder bridge heading north and was never of any concern which made me wonder... why?

Did this individual have any good explanation as to why this root had to go? There are many worse areas on the trail for less skilled riders for them to try and pussify up. Why did this root have to go? I hardly even remember it which makes it insignificant yet I still hate talentless douchebags destroying our trails.

This all reminded me of my rant last year which resulted in an angry email from an old decrepit horror of a human being who was or is the head of one of Edmonton's mountain bike clubs. This change in trail is really nothing to be honest but angers me cause more roots will get cut out, more rocks pulled out and hard climbs will get smoothed over to make it easier just like what happened on EMP Blast last year. From the anger posted from others on this issue I know I am not alone and anyone who loves the sport (or hobby) of riding do it for the challenge. Mountain biking is supposed to be hard.

As for the rest of the ride from Old Timers to Ewok and back through Mill Creek I saw a guy with a Go Pro perched on top of his head and it took me back about ten years

Going way back and thinking back to the nineties and at the time imagining how awesome it would be to have a camera on top of your helmet or handlebars capturing very moment so you can watch again and again. Showing the footage to girls you like with the hope that once they see the awesome their bras will magically spring off and your day will epically be remembered for mountain bikes in the afternoon and boobs in the evening.

Ahh to be nineteen years old again..

Now that we have those cameras I honestly get annoyed watching the videos (including my own) at how boring the coverage is. I have a Go Pro like every other mountain biker from the 2008-10 era and it sits in the basement like everyone else's.  I think the mark of a true mountain biker is to have an old Go Pro sitting at home... Unused. Everyone I know has one and it's doing just that.

The coverage I showed Mrs Lonebiker back in the day sadly didn't result in any bra's mysteriously popping off. Just a bored yawn and wandering eyes searching the walls for something more interesting like a small crack or maybe a spider. Anything better than ones boring footage of a a bouncy trail cam going down overgrown Edmonton forests marred with heavy breathing or some bad music dubbed over.

Not trying to shit all over the guy I saw today. Here is hoping he is the exception and makes some killer riding videos.

The Hip Ride

Well after a few days of some bad hip joint pain I reluctantly went for a ride expecting to turn around after a few miles and get a ride over to the hospital. With the disdain from Mrs Lonebiker I set out and had absolute zero issues with the pain that has had me bogged down in the last week.

As I had hoped the relaxed un-jarring motion of pedaling had no issue on anything and I rode from old school Mill Creek to the Low Level bridge and on to Capilano where I crossed and came back on the other side avoiding the hipsters on their way to E-Coli beach.

The ride itself. Boring as shit for a bike ride as lots of signs of heavy rain kept me away from any trail. Lots of sediment was on the paved trails washed down from the hills above. A good sign that things would probably be crappy.

The paved trails you ask? How were they? Oh you know... Hard and asphalty as per the usual. Puddles and wet spots in areas held the only arch of excitement on a boring bike ride.

Still, a million times better than the couch or Costco. Can I get an amen?

Beer Friday. Freigeist Berliner Scheisse

Time to do another instalment of Beer Friday as the rides are just not happening. Lots of heavy rain has been the excuse but the main issue is being an old piece of shit with a hip problem. Hardly being able to walk after sitting can really piss someone off who was ready for another set of days off. Yes the rides would have been quite uneventful and boring but still it would have been riding.

With this pain getting worse each day I will most likely have this looked at tomorrow unless I am a complete buffoon and decide to chance it on a bike ride first... You know? To see if spinning cranks helps.

This one hails from Germany. To make things easy (or lazy) I will not try and type names of the origins and just get right to the pour.

We poured this into our long and heavily used Hardcore Bikes beer mug and it gave us a muddy gritty Berliner Scheisse that reminded me of the muddy waters of the North Saskatchewan. It had a smell of sour grapes that were heavy on the malts. I enjoyed holding this one up to the nose and looking down which made me wonder what was sitting in the glass. It was mysterious, like a hidden trail just found in the valley with heavily soddened foliage but you could see clear riding down below.

The first sip was had and the sour hops make their appearance , a light dusting of strawberry and red grape. The taste experience is one of a kind as it first hits the mouth with a sour bit of an off putting slap to the mouth and that is quickly replaced by the light strawberry and red grape just mentioned. After a few sips the sour taste does stick in the mouth.

This beer gets 3 suds out of 5.

Beer Friday. Lake of the Woods, Sultana Gold

Fuck ya! Friday! A week of work is done and it is time to start planning a week off right smack dead in the middle of summer. Now how do I kick it off tomorrow?

Shall I go enter an amateur bowling tournament?

Take up golf??

Enjoy a day at the mall or better yet, Costco???

Pornhub all day whilst locked in my cold dank basement???? Gross!

All these question marks is really driving home the point on my excitement towards all these activities. Cause nothing proves a point like multitudes of question marks or exclamation points when you really want to convey your point. So please read and learn and post with multiple exclamation points and question marks when you are on your social networking activities.

I'm thinking bikes will probably rule out those fun sounding activities. Although the thought of hanging out in Costco has my loins in a raging fury. Oh wait, that was that other one I had listed.

Lake of the Woods brewery is located in Kenora Ontario. A stepping stone from Winnipeg to either Emo or Fort Francis where I work out of town sometimes at a mine. The brewery and the region is quite awesome. If you want to experience real Canadian lakes than I suggest you go there.

Sultana Gold is named after a famed Gold Mine in the region, nothing to do (so I think) with the one I'm at (although it's a gold mine too).

This beer much akin to gold is the flagship of the brewery. In fact many Sultana's we're had at the local bar in Emo with the boys after a long day doing man shit in the mine. It works well for me cause I come home and have lavender bubble baths with candles and ambient music with absolute zero shame.

Today was quite hot in the shop. So lets pour this bitch. The pour gave us a nice sun soaked golden wet dream of a beer with a fog that one couldn't discern that was happily poured by our new intern Olyn from Russia. The excitement overtook Olyn and she had to be rushed to the hospital for a condition the local doctors call "Lonebiker Beer Friday death cancer." Ya not really too sure why the harsh ending of words they chose to use there but many afflicted interns have been committed.

First sip was fine. A bready malty beer was sipped. Not one that took the summer heat away like one should but it was fine nevertheless. Odd cause it seems like this one reminds me of apple juice for some reason. I can't figure that out as the ones we had in Emo were tapped hence much different. The overall mouthfeel was nice but not making one ecstatic. It's a nice brew but doesn't stand out above the rest of the beers or craft breweries that are currently thriving thanks to hipsters and dorks with beer review blogs.

Much better on tap.

This beer gets 3 suds out of 5.

Getting Er Dirty

After seeing a few fine chaps coming off singletrack I decided to take the Altitude out for a roll around the Terwillegar area via Staff College. Go trail was entered and immediately signs of heavy rain were there. The trails themselves were wet but rideable with no puddles which made me think the rest of the trails would be ok. Not thinking clearly though as where I was headed was low territory.

I crossed Terwillegars footbridge with the quick thought of riding the log trail in Oliskew and quickly dismissed the idea remembering what it is like and what it would be like in late wet July. The thought of riding log-a-rythem had me thinking of tying cinder blocks to my feet and jumping off the new Terwillegar footbridge instead. I'm sure my legs would be sticking into the mud below with my head barely above water for hours until the last of the small waves entered my mouth and did me in. My body would remain for months in full rigour mortis mode for all to see. Kids would try and throw rocks into my agape mouth. Yes I would be a real spectacle.
The trails in Oliskew were in terrible condition. Looking back I should have turned around but I was already deep and close to Flat Pete when it got real bad so I kept going. The area had everything I don't like in July centered in one spot. Low hanging trees that slap your helmet as you ride. Overgrown foliage that touches your shins. And now as I write this. I have two weird bites on my arms which are getting more and more irritating.

I avoided the return in Oliskew and crossed Fort Edmonton and rode to Firemans thinking it might be ok but was wrong again. Rideable? Yes, but there were puddles all over.

I felt like a shithead for riding all the singletrack and took the multi use home. Please don't ride the muddy trails kids...

Should I spend July on a motorbike? That would be cool wouldn't it? Hanging out at Tims on Whyte.

Hell ya!

*Angry email disclaimer: No offence to the makers of log rythem. It's just not my cup of tea. Keep doing what your doing and do not be offended. Just remember that I am some douche sitting behind a computer spewing thoughts that probably mean nothing to nobody. Except the ones that get offended at everything they read. 

Keepin Er Clean

I promised myself that todays ride would not be an ordinary wet trails ride. Today would be special. Today would be a one of a kind spectacle. Today's gonna mean something.

Guys... Today was going to be remembered for the rest of my days. I had a vision of my grandkids and great grandkids sitting at my bedside in my final hour and telling them the tale of July twenty third, two thousand and eighteen. A day that would be known as 'monday, the Epic.'

Well none of that panned out and I rode the usual wet weather route taking me by the LRT tracks and the shiny Oilers hang out. Yes there were plenty of sketchy people in the area, a bit more than usual. I realized my heart is quite small and had a small child who was with his obvious confused mother who was in the area for a walk who saw me and ran the other way. I didn't slow down and wasn't in danger of hitting the kid. I just don't ride too slow in the area and the child tripped and fell and the waterworks came a calling.

I rode away...

A quick shoulder check and his mother was on the scene holding him so I knew he was gonna be fine.  So albeit, I'm not that big of an asshole I guess.

I did giggle a bit when he fell...

Oh Ken.. There go another chunk of readers..

I did stay off the trails as it has been quite wet. The entrances had signs of slop (see bottom picture) so I stayed off, although I did see a couple guys coming off the singletrack and they looked remarkably clean.

The thought of riding through overgrown trails with your shins and face being pelted with tall grass and branches has done me in. Dry or wet, I'll now take that paved trails. Just getting out for a spin is worth every penny exhausted in doing so.

The ride from Capilano and up through the sketch, Rogers and back into the valley after a glorious Walterdale crossing was fairly uneventful (except for the child taking himself out of course as he ran away from me.) Ugh... man. I should have stopped and asked her if he was all good.

Ah.. Ow well...

I rode the southside of the valley back and climbed the deadly climbs it possesses. I'm sure nothing for a seasoned roadie but for a guy who rides a bike twice every three weeks it was a bit of a challenge. The challenge was even worse as midway up to Forest Heights I saw a couple mid sized middle aged ladies dressed up in work clothes with their work placards draped around their shoulders and I feared for myself..

The oncoming perfume scent shock and awe was going to be off the charts after I passed them.

Once I passed it wasn't just a scent. It was a lifestyle choice that they decided the must go with. Breathing heavily cause of the climb I focused on getting away and like a trooper, I made it.

I stopped at top and gathered my thoughts. My wits.

I pulled my shit together and rode home. In the end. A fine day on the hardtail.

Beer Friday. Ribstone Creek Brewery, 2018 Cold Lake Air Show

Beer Friday is back and complete with a remote beer testing all the way from Cold Lake, Alberta! Hells yea kids! A day spent at the airshow with a fine lad and his fine lady at my first experience at 4 Wing to watch an airshow. I've been to this base countless times, nerding out on the jets but have never made it on the tarmac until today. If you like the airshows get to one at an actual airbase. They tend to be the best although the grumpiness in me did find its mark as it seems the safety factors keep the planes farther away, plus the speakers and non stop speaking announcer put a bit of a damper on things. Still it is awesome to see and this being the biggest airbase Canada has to offer there are plenty of jets on hand.

Ribstone brewery in Edgerton, Alberta had the honour of supplying the base with beers geared towards the airshow. I tried to get one to take home but as you can expect the question was met with looks of absolute stupidity towards myself. Yes, I asked them if I can have an unopened one to take home... You know, carry it through the airbase and all.

Whatever, I don't care, it was worth a try.

The beer they had supplied I can strongly assume is their Ribstone Creek Lager. Although not 100% sure, it just makes sense.

No pour was had as this was done in the beer gardens. Right from the can and into the mouth and it delivered a great tasting lager full of earthy hops. Nothing much of else to  note on the taste rather than it was much better than the big name beer lagers cause it had more personality. The taste suited the warm atmosphere of sitting in the sun watching jets fly by and enjoying a nice beer. It's obvious that this one was written with a strong bias so we will have to find their lager again and review it fairly.

This beer gets 4 jets out of 5.

Confused Wandering

Back from another long trip and a trip from Mill Creek to downtown Edmonton where I seemed to ride with no purpose focing me back and forth and eventually back homehward bound.

The ride had all the anticipation of a giant bonk coming in to ruin my life. Lots of energy in the beginning on a hot humid day where the local newstwits had been calling for tornadoes. I decided that singletrack can wait as wet trails looked a bit sloppy. The first sight of the bonk demon showed itself midway climbing the new paved trails at Louise McKinney.

So downtown was the destination where once there I had no idea where to go. Hence, the wandering happened. A lot of back and forth  took place and I wished I had a destination.

Happy I'm not Dead tuesday

Beer Review and normality coming soon..

That's if I ever get out of Ontario.

Happy Friday

Happy Monday