Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Happy Wednesday

This guy right here... Holy shit! Sent in via brethren broski Kent.

Sunday, November 17, 2019

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Slips and Smiles

A day a bike ride should not have taken place. A day off gave the opportunity and I took it unlike all the other opportunities I had while on days off.

A mix of descent snow with ice patches thrown here and there to keep you honest. A ride in the usual Lonebiker old school area was had. That's Mill Creek to the newbs.

Sorry, not a lot to say. It was awesome. Nuff said. We really need to capture these moments in a pill. I'm pretty sure you would be a billionaire amongst the dark and evil pharmaceutical companies within a few months.

Monday, November 11, 2019


Finally a fat bike ride where they belong. On white and glorious snow. This kind of snow is what fat bike dreams are made of and it delivered Saturday morning. I think I waited too long to get out but I did the proper thing and met up with Gord. A good move. The longest standing brethren member although I did meet Jason shortly after. Our first ride was Terwillegar over ten years ago. Myself, Him and a fellow named Dana? Dan? Danno? Daniel? Dannish? Dandrick?

Oh yes now I remember. Donny!

Ya we know that is wrong. I'm pretty sure I got the name right on the first swing. Now relax ok. I'm simply going for humor and trying to fill up this block with words so I can get back to my post ride Seahawk viewing party.

So that bike ride happened years ago and another meet up went down ten years later. It was a MillCreek meet up where we immediately left the upper pool parking lot and found Earthshaker.

Trail conditions? Sugar snow with packed trails prevalent. The power climbs were either ridden up and  ascended after slipping. I made the most awward ways up with my bike in hand. Luckily nobody was there too see.

The ride took us from MillCreek to Andre's via mid Ewok. My 5" Dillengers did their thing. Gord and his Stache and his 3" Chupacabra's which would have given any lesser man a world of trouble. Not Gord though. Fuck ya Gord... Fuck ya.

*Gord Brenner pics from top. #4. #7.

Saturday, November 9, 2019

Beer Friday. Clown Shoes, Undead Party Crasher

With a bounty of fresh snow we are bringing you Beer Friday direct from the.... Well damn it I couldn't think of anything clever to write.

Let me try again..

With a bounty of fresh snow we are bringing you Beer Friday direct from the the North Pole.

Ok, that sucked. One more.

With a bounty of fresh snow we are bringing you Beer Friday direct from the the White House.

Hot diggity damn that sucked.

Yes. thank God it snowed. I really am sorry about the Dad jokes. I was hanging out with thug #2 today (lonebiker offspring) and can only think in bad Dad joke rhythm. Wow. This is so white of me, I mean really.. The bad jokes, the Dad bod, the wondering about my RRSP's contribution at work. Should I just cave and go get that Dodge Caravan? I mean I am probably about eighteen years too late, so it ain't happening.

I'll just drink a beer instead and give you my thoughts.

Clown Shoes located in Boston. Home of many things awesome including the awesome accents that very oddly turn on a lot of ladies. Also home to some prominent sports teams who like to win. Clown Shoes opened in two thousand and nine and were bought out by Mass Bay brewing in two seventeen.

We poured in the testing lab and were greeted with a very dark and angry looking beer. This one looked like it was angered by a wrongful death of a family member and it wanted revenge. At 9% we felt the fury as it gazed up at us from the glass. A short and stubby one thumb head eventually evaporated to the point of a thin layer with lacing hanging on the sides. Oh yum!

We sipped but not before enjoying the strong aroma. Dark chocolate, nuts and some sort of Christmas scent that I could not really discern. The sip gave me a good malty shot of chocolate with a bit of a bitter kick. It is very slight, the bitterness that is. This one is classic craft beer. Dark chocolate. Old beat up citrus. roasted nuts. The high alcohol is definitely noticeable.

This beer gets 3 suds out of 5.

Oh shit! I got it! The Christmas flavour! It's mistletoe!

Wait... mistletoe..?

Friday, November 8, 2019

Shit Slop (The Fat Bike Edition)

A ride on the wrong bike in shitty conditions on the start of another set of days off. The fatback was ridden in wet sloppy conditions on paved trails. I swear I heard my tires screaming in agony as I rolled along on the studs on plain wet boring pavement evidently wanting to put an end to their existence.

They fought back though. Don't think for a second that those big ass tires are going to sit idly by as you force them to ride boring paved bullshit forcing the studs that keep you safe in the sketchy Winter by grinding their tops off on the asphalt. The tires retaliated by throwing a 5 inch swath of shit up my legs and back in a relentless effort to the spike injustice I was putting the bike through. I swear I was soaked within three kilometres. I could feel the wet sand that was picked up and thrown up from the ground on my inner thighs immediately.

This is shitbike weather kids and I epically failed and missed the memo.

The ride took place in the Capilaon area. A lot of ill-speak from yours truly about this one but you know what? It was all win win. Coming off nights I am usually a pile of shit for a few days and this was my first full day off. When a bike ride happens after nights the bike heavens open up and rain down happy bike vibes.

What will happen tomorrow? Will I ride? Will I be stricken from working a week of all nighters?

Oh man, you guys are gonna fall off your chairs in anticipation.

potty break late 2k19 yo!

Monday, November 4, 2019

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Pre Halloween Monster Stomping

I could not think of another name for this ride post. Hence. this is what you get.

Halloween is a day away, and I think I did pretty good for the time of year. I mean you get monsters. You get stomping.. I mean that's violent. That is Halloween isn't it? Scary shit mixed in with a little bit of entertaining violence?

Come on...  I mean look at those pictures. Who wears gloves with holes like that? Look at that bike saddle! Ouch! You go out in public like this lonebiker?

Ya! It's Halloween bitch! Your supposed to be disheveled in a way...

*Intern leans in whispers "halloween's tomorrow. Did you forget already? I mean you wrote it three short paragraphs ago."

Why yes. I am aware of the time of year. And I fired that intern too for standing up to me.

A bike ride from Kinseman.. No wait. Old Timers! Yes it was Old Timers cabin that started one of the best bike rides of the year. That last sentence was written knowing the lack of riding taken place this year. Why my Strava kindly reminded me I rode my bike three times this month. That's great, and fuck you Strava.

Conditions are impeccable right now. So get out there kids. The riding could not get any better than this. It is amaze right now.

I gotta go back to work so you know. Think I'm gonna take that thought out of my head by beating the shit out of that intern now trying to get out of the secured parking lot but that little bastard had his swipe card revoked upon firing.

Ha ha ha! I'm evil.

Saturday, October 26, 2019


Yes I do this at least two to three times a year. Well actually I'm betting that it happens more than that.  Improper ride wear planning in the changing seasons. I did go look for my winter gloves pre ride but a quick trip to the bike depot in the basement yielded no results.

So I ventured onward to the river valley with spring tights and summer gloves on a cold crisp day.

It was quickly when I knew I would probably be in trouble. In fact it was in the parking lot in Capilano. I rode on through Gold Digger sadly lacking any sort of fervor which I would usually have in these parts of the valley because they are simply quite fucking incredible. All I could think about were my hands.

With frozen hands and legs that seemed to be getting chilled I avoided Hustler and rode out of the valley in some sort of vain effort to try to make things better. Not the best plan as once in the open the wind attacked me making things much worse than they were.

Well shit mr loner bike guy. You look like a real idiot.

Ya well...

I did finish the ride with just over ten kilometers. How epic of a Saturday bike ride this was.

Thursday, October 24, 2019

Beer Friday. Jasper Brewing, Jasper the Bear Ale

Beer Friday baby! Yes I know it's Thursday kids. Are we not used to this by now? Sorry for the lack of riding it was mine and Mrs Lonebiker's 20th anniversary, a sad milestone for two nineteen as it seems the proper cool thing to do now is divorce and remarry or date. No I'm not slamming people who have been through marriage shit. I get it. I just got lucky is all with Mrs Lonebiker. A fine lady that doesn't get the recognition she deserves on here. Or does she? Ahhh.. Probably not.

Whatever. Mrs Lonebiker is pretty epic. Yes I would choose her over any bike and trail any day. Oh my God... That might be the most romantic thing I have written ever.

Jasper Brewing which resides in the Holiest of Holies. Jasper National Park. My favourite place in the world. We spent the last two days there doing anniversary things. I did pick up a mixer of Jasper's finest. Jasper Brewing's, Jasper the Bear Ale. A blonde ale with what they claim flavours of honey. How appropriate.

Cause bears... Yeo get it now? Can you not stay on the same page with me as I write this whilst you read it? Come on man! Get in the game!

We poured and it gave the usual golden colour that a good beer should. A four and a half fingered head (yes, the pourer fucked up. he's fired) stayed around for a short cup of coffee before it took off. The glass was almost hypnotic as I stared at the bubbles rising up smitten with travel wear from a long but good day that ended in the vehicle for hours. A smell of honey did emanate from the glass which made me drool for a minute or two while Charles the intern set up the typewriter.

The first sip was a watered down version of what I thought was going to be incredible. The second sip was much of the same. I know blonde ales are supposed to be weak so I sipped some more and let the coriander decide. I could get the coriander and honey, those are evident in the tasting. Perhaps this is the wrong beer to have after a long day of travel? This beer finishes off very dry which adds up to a boring review as no aftertastes and surprises stay hidden. Like a good proper beer should (I guess.)

This beer gets 2.5 suds out of 5.

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

The leaf Whisperer

A return from work and a return to the trails on the Altitude after a major drivetrain rebuild performed by brethren member Kent. The ride from old school Mill Creek to the river where I danced around Forest Heights mid Ewok and then back through Holy Trail and Old Timers where a Dirty Mattress climb out took place. All this was ridden after crossing the Low level and riding up into Riverdale and down to the Dawson.

The trails were hit or miss. I was expecting full on Paved or multi use but a roll through Earthshaker in Mill Creek told me that the trails were dry enough to ride. The only issue? The copious amount of leaves that covered the trail. No I'm not complaining, Fall is the best time of year to ride bikes you just have to be on your toes is all. The lower Mill Creek trails were pretty wet so I stayed away the best I could.

As I entered the area in Mill Creek where the new monstrosity house looms it would seem the twats (sorry, I'll be nicer) ahem... fuckwits moved in (I'm sorry. I just can't.) The new house comes with a very yappy large dog which at the time seemed to bark relentlessly at all the trail users in the area. Oh  how perfectly fucking fitting. Could I hate this house even more?

I didn't ride the Trap which kinda bugs me now. I think I really messed up in that there is an unwritten rule when riding Mill Creek and the trail Gods permit you to ride the good stuff without wet interference. The Trap must be ridden. It must! I'm sorry trail Gods.

I really hope this isn't going on my permanent record.

Thursday, October 17, 2019

Ten Years.

Well here it is. October the seventeenth two thousand and nine. The birth of the

Ten years ago I went for a bike ride and then wrote about it and posted pictures. I was quite smitten with how it looked and the narcissism oddly mixed with low self esteem carried the blog tens years to this day.

If you go to the beginning you will see the October 17th Fort Saskatchewan post but there are posts dating back to September on a trip to western Colorado and Utah. It was in Colorado where I met Daniel Ashurst and he was the one who convinced me to start blogging. I had a weird email chain back in the day where I would send out riding stories with pics to everyone in my email chain. Yes I know... a tad obnoxious. It was those Colorado emails that I copied and pasted and threw them up on random dates once the blog was running. So there is some Lonebiker history for you.

The beer reviews were something I always daydreamed about. I had really wanted to review beer online and before apps and beer specific review sites had plagued the internet with douchebags vaping with man buns. When suddenly I had the idea "Hey, I can review beer on lonebiker!" and the first review was born and holy shit was it ever terrible. Not the beer, the writing. Thankfully things improved since then and we are now three hundred and fifteen beer reviews strong! Eat my ass you rate beer apps!

I've offended EMBA, I've offended feminists, I've just insulted rate beer apps, I've offended Costco and the odd people who like going there on a Saturday. Plus I may have insulted many others that I don't know about. To them I say stop acting like it's 2019. It's been 10 years of spewing out words so we are gonna hit some bumps on the road as we go.

To the loyal readers and of course the brethren. A big hearty thank you! The numbers are still up despite the up and down of posts with work getting heavily in the way. I still have quite a bit of readers in England. Damn... I gotta make a trip out there. Oh wait bike trip to Europe? What about your family you lonebiker douche? Well shit!

So happy ten years to..... me (I know, this is getting real sad right). Maybe a ten year brethren group ride could happen next set of days off?  Till then, stay safe out there kids.

Thanks Daniel.

Thanks Gord (I met him first.)

Thanks Jason.

Thanks Kent.

*This was written on a crappy laptop in camp up north, so please ignore any grammatical errors as I'm sure you are used to now.

Monday, October 14, 2019

Happy Monday

Terribly sorry I squandered away this set off. I'll make it up to you next time. I promise..

Ugh... Why you gotta be like that?

Friday, October 11, 2019

Fat Bike in the Cancer Zone

Sorry, not a lot to say about this one. A very, I say very short cruise among the refineries on what should be the last day for the Winter bike.

Here are the tracks...

Thursday, October 10, 2019

Beer Friday. Troubled Monk, Buck Tooth Belgian White

Days off. Which started Tuesday this week have not had the wonderment of 2 wheels in the woods yet and that is a sad realization as I sit here typing this out. With both summer bikes out it would be fat bike territory for the time being which still makes no excuses for not riding. Is it coming off nights that spearhead the laziness? A very probable scenario as most weeks when coming off nights the rides do suffer, this switch over however was one of the easiest ones I've had and I am now a fully fledged white milk drinking day person. Not that red eyed monster whom I was just up north living on five hours of sleep a day.

I'm not trying to make up excuses. I guess I'm just venting in a way. I was supposed to ride today but some last minute bullshit had scrapped the ride. It was then when I called the beer team in so we could distribute some sort of Lonebiker content.

Enter Troubled Monk Brewery for another test run. A large gift pack was thrown my way from Troubled Monk (the gift wasn't from the actual brewery but I accept gifts of beer from local breweries in an effort to sway my opinion.)

From Red Deer, the brewery is holding on with all the others in a now very competitive craft beer world. Some of these breweries won't be around for long so the truth will be told in the quality of the beer produced. You can thank all the man bun's out there for this insurgence of craft beer breweries which will implode soon sadly...

We poured and our tester mug was filled with golden awesome. A small one fingered head came and went like a crooked politician getting out of church. I could get a slight aroma of wheat malt. The first sip showed it was a simple beer for one who would like watching curling and making puzzles. It didn't deliver what I had hoped but for a Belgian wheat ale it was just doing what I suppose it would do. For what this beer is supposed to do I would say Trouble Monk delivered. The taste is quite full of earthy grains which seems watered down but that is just the way these beers are supposed to be.

This beer gets 2.5 suds out of 5.