Thursday, October 17, 2019

Ten Years. thelonebiker.com


Well here it is. October the seventeenth two thousand and nine. The birth of the lonebiker.com.

Ten years ago I went for a bike ride and then wrote about it and posted pictures. I was quite smitten with how it looked and the narcissism oddly mixed with low self esteem carried the blog tens years to this day.

If you go to the beginning you will see the October 17th Fort Saskatchewan post but there are posts dating back to September on a trip to western Colorado and Utah. It was in Colorado where I met Daniel Ashurst and he was the one who convinced me to start blogging. I had a weird email chain back in the day where I would send out riding stories with pics to everyone in my email chain. Yes I know... a tad obnoxious. It was those Colorado emails that I copied and pasted and threw them up on random dates once the blog was running. So there is some Lonebiker history for you.

The beer reviews were something I always daydreamed about. I had really wanted to review beer online and before apps and beer specific review sites had plagued the internet with douchebags vaping with man buns. When suddenly I had the idea "Hey, I can review beer on lonebiker!" and the first review was born and holy shit was it ever terrible. Not the beer, the writing. Thankfully things improved since then and we are now three hundred and fifteen beer reviews strong! Eat my ass you rate beer apps!

I've offended EMBA, I've offended feminists, I've just insulted rate beer apps, I've offended Costco and the odd people who like going there on a Saturday. Plus I may have insulted many others that I don't know about. To them I say stop acting like it's 2019. It's been 10 years of spewing out words so we are gonna hit some bumps on the road as we go.

To the loyal readers and of course the brethren. A big hearty thank you! The numbers are still up despite the up and down of posts with work getting heavily in the way. I still have quite a bit of readers in England. Damn... I gotta make a trip out there. Oh wait bike trip to Europe? What about your family you lonebiker douche? Well shit!

So happy ten years to..... me (I know, this is getting real sad right). Maybe a ten year brethren group ride could happen next set of days off?  Till then, stay safe out there kids.

Thanks Daniel.

Thanks Gord (I met him first.)

Thanks Jason.

Thanks Kent.

*This was written on a crappy laptop in camp up north, so please ignore any grammatical errors as I'm sure you are used to now.

Monday, October 14, 2019

Happy Monday

Terribly sorry I squandered away this set off. I'll make it up to you next time. I promise..


Ugh... Why you gotta be like that?

Friday, October 11, 2019

Fat Bike in the Cancer Zone




Sorry, not a lot to say about this one. A very, I say very short cruise among the refineries on what should be the last day for the Winter bike.

Here are the tracks...

Thursday, October 10, 2019

Beer Friday. Troubled Monk, Buck Tooth Belgian White


Days off. Which started Tuesday this week have not had the wonderment of 2 wheels in the woods yet and that is a sad realization as I sit here typing this out. With both summer bikes out it would be fat bike territory for the time being which still makes no excuses for not riding. Is it coming off nights that spearhead the laziness? A very probable scenario as most weeks when coming off nights the rides do suffer, this switch over however was one of the easiest ones I've had and I am now a fully fledged white milk drinking day person. Not that red eyed monster whom I was just up north living on five hours of sleep a day.

I'm not trying to make up excuses. I guess I'm just venting in a way. I was supposed to ride today but some last minute bullshit had scrapped the ride. It was then when I called the beer team in so we could distribute some sort of Lonebiker content.

Enter Troubled Monk Brewery for another test run. A large gift pack was thrown my way from Troubled Monk (the gift wasn't from the actual brewery but I accept gifts of beer from local breweries in an effort to sway my opinion.)

From Red Deer, the brewery is holding on with all the others in a now very competitive craft beer world. Some of these breweries won't be around for long so the truth will be told in the quality of the beer produced. You can thank all the man bun's out there for this insurgence of craft beer breweries which will implode soon sadly...

We poured and our tester mug was filled with golden awesome. A small one fingered head came and went like a crooked politician getting out of church. I could get a slight aroma of wheat malt. The first sip showed it was a simple beer for one who would like watching curling and making puzzles. It didn't deliver what I had hoped but for a Belgian wheat ale it was just doing what I suppose it would do. For what this beer is supposed to do I would say Trouble Monk delivered. The taste is quite full of earthy grains which seems watered down but that is just the way these beers are supposed to be.

This beer gets 2.5 suds out of 5.




Sunday, October 6, 2019

Monday, September 30, 2019

Pre Winter Bike Fest





 A rare ride on the winter bikes on a cold fall Monday which resulted in the valley belonging solely to me and Kent.  With both my summer bikes in a state of needing rebuilds and the shitbike being the shitbike I finally got the fat bike out for the first time on non Winter trails. Kent joined in on the quest of awesomeness and pulled out his 907 for what would be an incredible ride.

There was an onionskin plausibility that this might turn me into one of those fat bike freaks who ride theirs all year long like complete psychos. I see them on social media standing on their milk crates trying to convince the world to join their tribe. Would I succumb to the pressure? It would make sense given my history at pointing my nose up at things before trying them.

Firemans took us down where Flatter Pete was ridden for the first time. Flatter Pete you ask? Yes, they built an addition and made it longer and it is still an exact carbon copy of the original trail. Flat with a lot of direction changes. The fat bike was way better down there. The original Firemans descent was sketchy but we did air down our tires after so maybe it is ok on lower psi.

Selkirk was ridden on the way back and it was the same Selkirk from before. Switchback city with relentless climbs. Odd, cause this is one of the best trails in the valley in my warped brain.

The fat bikes? Have to admit, it was a lot of fun. I still think regular bikes are better in the non winter months. The steering was at times a bit sketchy. The roots were handled quite well and the lack of suspension was not noticeable for myself. It was fun, maybe again another time? Will be hard to do with a shiny Moots and RMB Altitude sitting there looking at me.




*Kent Steeves. from top pic 4,5 & 7.

Friday, September 27, 2019

A Fitting End






A ride that ended with an emergency rescue at Southgate Mall of all the places to die.

A ride that was supposed to be half valley and half street ended in Edmonton's busy Southgate corridor amongst the buses, lrt's and countless vehicles and pedestrians.

The  drivetrain on the Moots is now epically finished. It was rough all season and today's cold weather ride was the final straw. I knew I was in trouble once in Terwillegar and the skipping started. So that now makes two bikes in need of drivetrains. Well sheeeeit.

Not a lot to say about this one. Honestly would have been so much better if I finished and didn't have to stand in a cold parking lot waiting for me ma...

Here are the tracks cause the write up is just terrible (much like the condition of the two top bikes drivetrains) Whoaaa!



the highway to shopping cart city

now see.... there's your problem


Thursday, September 26, 2019

Happy Thursday

Sorry kids, most likely no beer review this short set off..

Wednesday, September 25, 2019

A Yellow Blur of Happiness




Ride of the year. Hands down. An unreal feeling of euphoria as I rolled through the fall colours which at times erupted into a yellow blur of riding orgasmic exhilaration.

Something about white older ladies today. I scared two of them coming off singletrack transitioning onto the pavement, multi use.. It was a bit humorous, not gonna lie. I was in complete control and slowed down quickly once I saw their arms flailing. One yelled at me to slow down and I kindly told her I did and was in complete control. If I wasn't I would be in the woods or on top of her and her older white lady dog with screams of terror emanating from underneath.

None of that happened.

After the second encounter where the lady was a bit more cool than the first but really she wasn't. It happened on Ewok. She glared as I passed. Yes I had no bell but the freewheel on the Moot's is quite loud so I thought things were good. Apparently not.

After the second encounter I was afraid the white ladies were sending signals to all the other white women and when I came around a corner there would be an army of enraged white older women with "I want to speak to the manager haircuts" chasing me down the trail. Luckily that didn't happen and the ride was supremely incredible.

The ride from Old Timers to Andre's took me across Gretzky bridge and back through Dawson Traverse back before hitting Ewok upper back. Mill Creek Was ridden with a ride high up and down into the bottom where dickface's new house is being built. Blue man took me up where the ride was finished on West Coast.

The ride was incredible. The conditions are beyond perfect now and with rain tomorrow this might be the incredible for this short week off. The weather and trails plus riding an incredibly fun hardtail made this nothing but win win.

Except for older white ladies.... They are trouble.


Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Ending a Fine Off Week




 A ride in the Terwillegar area with Kent and his two pups. A short ride so a short write up as work looms for both of us.

Riding with dogs is awesome. Something I always wanted to was have my own trail dog. It's the natural mountain biker progression. Buy expensive bikes that don't make sense to normal people, get annoyed yourself as they ask why you paid so much for something that doesn't have an engine. Drink high end beer and becoming a coffee snob is also there. The trail dog is high up on the list but it exists.

It appears I'm way too lazy to train a dog so thankfully I have Kent> A top notch dude that seems to kill it at every level.

The ride was short and slow. Fireman and Oliskew area. Log a Rhythmic was happily avoided and will be until the snow flies.


Monday, September 16, 2019

September Supertember




Ever recall a September that was just crap for everything? Well... There was September Eleventh, 2001. That put a bit of a damper on that September I guess.. I do seem to remember the weather being quite superb that year and that's what I'm talking about.

For me September weather has always been amazing. Yes, I live in central Alberta, Canada and yes we have had September blizzards so it's not always amazing.. Well my point seems kind of lost now.

Whatever. Fuck you. September fuckin rocks!

There, got it? Sorry to swear at you like that  but sometimes I get heated for no reason. Looking back I don't remember a September being shitty. The shitty summers always ended once September hits which is the case this year. Well... Now looking back we did have a good period of rain earlier this month..

Welp.... Lets just forget about the weather chat.

The ride was one of the best of the year. What started as little promise and a quick return back to Old Timers and the Jeep, I pressed on. I didn't turn around like a little wee man like my brain wanted. Gnome trail was ridden and enjoyed immensely. I see they have a new (probably old now) addition which takes the steep fun hill/corner out of the way into a gentle one eighty that spits you back on the trail. This addition makes huge sense for people riding this trail eastward. So that addition is pretty swank actually.

I hit Six Shooter and with mild trepidation I rode the new addition thinking about the other additions that to me made little sense. A quick out and back loop and the exit up top got extended thirty meters. The older additions are what they are and yes despite sounding like a whiny little bitch, I truly appreciate the work.

As to the new trail. Ray Gun. Holy shit. Oh Lawd.... I am in love. Its a lot better going down which I learned today after riding it both ways but the climb up is smooth as a bikini models butt. Oh ya baby. That smooth. And I ain't talking about women either..

So, yes. Ray Gun is a winner and that was complimented on this ride by another roll through Raven.

Fuck me... Edmonton just keeps getting awesomer.





Saturday, September 14, 2019

Trail Testing




I think riding without a bell is the local cycling equivalent to those who don't use their signal lights in traffic. It makes you a self entitled douchewaffle. Sadly that was me today as I took the Altitude out for a dip in the valley and realized I didn't have my bell attached. I did think of returning home but realized immediately how stupid that thought was so I rode on.

It was a beautiful Saturday today so naturally the valley was extremely busy. A bell would have been great. Well damn it!

I made it through on a MiIl Creek ride through Blue Man and up into the Old Timers area. Dirty Mattress was descended very slowly due to the large puddles that marr the trail. Evidence of lots of people riding had me giving up hope for humanity yet again. For the most part the trails are decent. The mud puddles are all over so if you see one use your best judgment to get through. I noticed a lot of foot traffic around the puddles and assumed the people were walking their bikes over. I did the same and noted that walking around is doing damage as well..

Way to go hypocrite.

I got tired of the mud and rode paved home. I was grumpy. Maybe it was because I had no gps or real camera and had to do everything on my phone.

summer two-nineteen



Friday, September 13, 2019

Beer Friday. Fernie Brewing, The Eldorado


Another instalment of Beer Friday properly done on a Friday. A night where I thought I would be working some overtime was thwarted as the Beer Friday executives told me this is happening tonight in a very convincing manner. A manner so convincing that I feared for my families lives. These executives do not mess around when it comes to getting a beer review done. A broken finger or two is nothing. These fuckers are savages.

So nervously I entered the beer review den and started the review. The interns. photographers and pourers had an awkward hushed tone to them as they arrived. "Son-of-a-bitch" I thought. "They got to them too.." I said to myself looking down at the ground butting out a cigarette on my new Guess jeans. One day we will rise up and defeat the evil... One day.

The above two paragraphs are the end result when you have nothing to talk about. I don't want to talk about work on here hence the babbling. Right now, all I know is work.. Sad isn't it?

Fernie brings their brewing magic to Lonebiker for the umpteenth time.

The pour was a beauty. A dirty golden beer filled up the glass where a small one and a half fingered head stood on top of the glass. A smell of roasted malts was there along with grapefruit. The first sip was quite delicious. None of the IPA bitterness was there, a taste that chases away a lot of people from IPA's and makes a lot of people into raging douchenozzles as they profess their knowledge of India Pale Ales to the room and everywhere else that would listen. As I sipped this down hints of citrus would show up, that combined with a fresh tasting beer that makes you happy every time you sip on it. Citrus and perfect carbonation make this a winner. Again... No bitterness. Would guys with man buns be upset?

The best Fernie has to offer so far.

This beer gets 5 suds out of 5.




Wednesday, September 4, 2019

An Expensive Day



A ride where singletrack and a bike that never sees singletrack was going to take place and all would be right with the world. Or so I thought...

The first hit came when I took out the SLR camera for my first pic of my ride from Staff College into Go Trail. The camera will no longer read SD cards. A problem that was creeping it's way in slowly came to show its full fury today. A shame as I had wanted to show my true narcissism and have some self riding shots. Irritated cause I now have to deal with a camera repair I rode on.

I crossed the Terwillegar foot bridge and rode BDSM and Flat Pete. The trail conditions were really quite terrific, mud puddles are bad on BDSM so I did what I could to minimize trail damage (who's a good boy!?) Flat Pete was ridden and I crossed the Fort Edmonton bridge with serious aspirations of riding and completing Selkirk Knights in one roll with zero stops.
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Bah Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

I can't believe you muffballs believed that!

Wait.. Even I know that you know you know that isn't possible. So now I just feel bad about myself.

I discovered the GPS was missing at a coffee break on the bridge. No I didn't have a tether so stop your judging looks. I honestly never knew they had tethers for these things.

The ride was over after that. I retraced my steps in hope my old girl would show up.

So if anyone happens to see a white and blue Garmin Edge 500. Kindly send me an email please.. kenlindsay@thelonebiker.com

you may notice a gps attached to my handlebar in this pic, little did i know..

you may (or won't) notice there is no gps on my handlebar

in an effort to find my gps i turned over and inspected every leaf on every trail ridden

*This will be that last ride for a while. Sorry kids. A work shutdown starts tomorrow for ten or possibly more days. All on nights so it will be a short turn around time next set of days off. I'll post some tranny porn or something to keep you all entertained.

Monday, September 2, 2019

R.I.P Skyline




A short ride. Why a recovery ride if you will..

Old Timers took me on a confused ride where no destination was pre-written. That right there kids is a bad way to start a bike ride. With nowhere to ride to I rode around in circles and felt lost. Eventually I found myself on Jasper Ave and did not want to be there.

I did hear rumblings of Skyline falling more down the bank when I was hopping around on one leg. When I rode by it appeared a clear cut took place in the area. The trail was still visible through all the sawdust and wood shavings that laid on the ground. It looked sad and hopeless. Not sure what their intentions are with cutting the trees..

The ride was very lethargic and slow. Even by my standards. It was boring but I did think while out spinning I could be home right now on the iPad watching live train cam videos.

The bike ride won. The bike always wins.


i know i missed the summer but jeebus! where the hell did these shitty things come from? they are everywhere