Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Happy Wednesday

Get your sexy Lonebiker Halloween costume on the online store now!

Monday, October 24, 2016

6-6 Overtime Tie Ride

"I really wonder what it was like to ride in one of those double decker Strathcona County buses. Bet you would be a king sitting up top in the front on top with the world coming at you, kind of like what Superman would feel like if he was in one of those buses.."

These were the main thoughts I had in my head as I pulled into Old Timers to start a ride. This was not a good mindset to be in...

I like to blame the horrible yet ridiculous game I watched with my boys on centre stage the night before. Pretty much 4 quarters of bleh (much like todays ride) and then an amazing ending that ended up as bleh (unlike todays ride, it was all bleh).

The mindset was bad entering this one but quickly it went downhill even worse once I entered Dirty Mattress and the trails were quickly all pure crap. Hearing reports of good conditions I was happy to take the Altitude out again to ride some good stuff.

In my head I was picturing fall picturesque riding. Not sloppy corners with bullshit mud puddles and mud lakes flicking toonie sized pieces of shit wet half frozen dirt to stick to your bike. I'm done with washing that stuff off all my bikes. Give me snow, or dry up.

Time for a cross bike maybe?

even the multi use said "go fuck yourself."
jeeves, take me home, i need a respite from the muddy madness

Saturday, October 22, 2016

The Top Ten Signs You Might Be a Bike Doofus

In no particular order..

10. Have Expensive Bike, Never Ride It.

 I can't say I have ever seen too many of these guys cause they are never on the trails. They are out there though. Usually on a Specialiased S Works of some variety. Will always see the ads on Pinkbike or Kijiji with the caption "hardly ridden." When I see these ads I always ponder... Why did you buy it?

9. Acting Like It's Race Day On Sunday.

On a nice weekend or even weeknight the trails can be a bit crowded you get the guy ripping through the trails like it's the Olympics mens final. Which is fine. Just slow the hell down when you approach other riders or worse... Families. I love going fast (insert laugh track laughter now) but am still aware of other users on the trails. These are the same guys who don't yield on the trail to people climbing or encounters on tight singletrack.

8. On Group Rides You Ride For Strava.

Maybe your friend bought a Corvette the night before and your wife won't let you get truck nuts for your minivan so you feel a bit unmanly. When you meet the boys or club for your group ride don't take the frustration out on everybody by pacing yourself and suddenly springing into action just to catch that Strava KOM and laving everyone behind. Not cool. It's a group ride. keep it as such.

7. No Bell.

This one speaks for itself. Get a bell tough guy. Nothing more annoying than riding without one, this is coming from a long time bell dinger myself. I see the non bell dingers trying to get through the masses and scoff to myself. Get a bell. Don't be that guy or gal. You only ruin all the riders image when you roll dingless. Takes one to paint the whole group gray.

6. GoPro Camera Rider.

Not really a doofus inducing trait. Just makes you look like one. I understand the need for capturing the ride as it is Holy, it just makes you look a bit special. Every mountain biker I know has one (including myself). They used it one or two rides and then put it away. For me it was trying to answer the dog walking ladies questions on what the hell that thing is on my head on my first Go Pro ride. Since, I put it away,

5. Full Face Helmet, Knee Pads, Arm Pads for XC Rides.

This one goes in line with wearing a Go Pro. When wearing a full face helmet and padding a Go Pro is the last accessory that completes the doofus looking ensemble. Wearing all this is fine in my books it's just when you see these guys you are always looking for the chairlift. There is no need for all this equipment in Edmonton which sadly does make the wearer look like a giant doofus as they are riding in Mill Creek Ravine.

4. Rides Fat Bikes All Year Long And Brags About It.

We see them all summer, the guys who refuse to put away their fat bikes. Which is cool, never really cared. It's the ones who ride them and brag about it who are the doofuses. With quotes from online "my fatbike is way faster than my full suspension was!" commonly seen online. It makes one wonder just what they are comparing it too? There is nothing like a light nimble Summer bike. Don't get me wrong, fat bikes are fun as hell.So if you want to ride it all year long, giver. Just don't brag to everyone how awesome it is non stop. This also applies to vegans, 29er riders, 650B riders, and not gonna give up on riding a 26 chump.

3. Puts Down Other Riders Bikes/ Equipment on Group Rides.

Never encountered this but am sure it happens because humans are just shitty. People may show up with worn out old bikes or equipment. So what? They are out riding. They are awesome.

2. Continuously Brags About Riding Accomplishments.

These guys exist in every circle. Sadly the bike world has them too. Douchy jock guys who brag consistently about hills they climbed and trails they rode.

1. Blogs About Bike Riding,

See number 2. This one is pretty self explanatory. Guys who ride and have to post it on the internet... I mean really.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

A Tale of Two Bridges

A ride from Saddleback road into Terwillegar took place today. A ride that seems to be happening more and more with wet weather rides being the norm as of late. I took the Altitude providing the bike one more glorious chance of stretching its legs and breathing in the cool river valley air. Cause bikes are alive right?


The highlight of the ride was taking my first ever loop themed ride through Terwillegar via it's sexy ass new bridge.

I did make the mistake of taking Terwillegars sexy ass new Go Trail singletrack as I was on a sexy ass full suspension bike, and brother, you don't ride that thing just on paved! I wouldn't have ridden if I knew it was so greasy but the entrance was inviting and non threatening. Kind of like a child molester.

Oh my Lord... I did not just go there did I? There goes another giant chunk of readers.

Once I was deep into Go Trail it turned into shit and I was walking all the steeps. Up and down. Small sections of trail were ridden but I could not wait to get out after spending hours yesterday washing all four bikes.

Eventually I made it to the new bridge and sat by a sign announcing it's opening as of tomorrow with traffic barricades across the front. With what looked like city workers on the bridge I was quite bummed out as this was a huge part of the ride. After sitting for a few minutes an old couple came strolling though which turned out to be the city workers. Good Lord... What is wrong with me?

Once across after the horrible conditions of Terwillegars singletrack I stayed out of Oliskew singletrack and rode the new paved linking up to the Fort Edmonton bridge. The paved trail runs through what would look like a boring area but once you are in it is actually was quite cool. Dead lightening victim trees make it a bit creepy, it would be especially be bad at night.

Once out a crossing of Fort Edmonton and up one of the worst climbs in the valley and back to Terwillegar through unaffordable houses.

The ride ended with a very dirty bike and legs that wanted no more climbing.

the singletrack is nasty, worse than a rob zombie film
i'm sure there will be media here tomorrow, glad i rode it today before those knuckle draggers show up

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

After Work, After Dark

Tonight's ride report is brought to you by the iPhone 5S. I mean these photos are of exceptional quality! I have never been more proud of a group of photos I posted on here in all my years of Lonebikerness..

That's right, suck my ass Apple.

On a meet up with Gord I didn't really care about the pics, I just needed a bike ride and wanted to see if it could be done after working a long twelve hour day. The answer is yes, not surprisingly you can ride a bike anytime you want, it's just how you feel doing it is what counts. Tonight I was hurting but pressed on with Gord leading me through his neck of the woods. An area we have visited on fat bikes in the Winter months.

The area is what I always referred to as "Mill Creek, Millwoods" and is an area that could be a hidden gem to the local riding folk looking for a good riding fling close to home. The area needs work and is getting worked on by Gord and some other fine chap whom I have not met. Singletrack from the multi use with power climbs and sketchy drops serve up a time away from the river valley.

As I said, the area is still being worked on and it was my first time on it without snow. A fair amount of log crossings were had (most rideable) but I was defeated on lots.I liked to blame the bike which was running incredibly shitty even for a shitbike but I blame myself. Yes I was tired from work but Gord worked today as well. He pushed through his trails like Eddie from Iron Maiden armed with a dagger would push through a crowd of country and western fans at a country fair.

He slayed.

this picture is so awesome i think it literally brought steve jobs back to life
no wait... this one did! you can see his soul returning between the trees

Monday, October 17, 2016

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Beer Friday. Fernie Brewing, Project 9 Pils

Beer Friday on a Sunday afternoon? Why not?

I should be doing a ride report but after some serious bouts of ride dyslexia today where I prepared to go riding and stopped. Once I was bored withing a half hour I set up to go and drove to the trailhead saw a shitload of dog walkers and remembered I had no bell on the shit bike. That was enough motivation to just leave.

Wow. How lame am I?

No, I didn't go to Costco I went home and picked up a six pack of Project 9 from Fernie Brewing. A wise decision with Seahawk football up ahead.

Why not throw in a beer review and try to save the day a little bit? Why not drink all six take off my pants and sport my Seahawk underwear and sit in the backyard and stare at the new neighbors? Mr Lonebiker that sounds like a pretty good day! I mean they left their blinds open so they are only asking for it.

Fernie brewing are from Fernie, British Columbia. This isn't their first time being on here and have always come up winners. Again as I have bitched before. Alberta. You need to be more like British Columbia! I mean your craft brewery ratio is quite weak!

We poured and the review team was impressed with a beautiful golden colored beer that sported a proud two and a half fingered head. Slight traces of lacing followed the drink down with a sanctimonious fervor that would rival Napoleon and Hideki Tojo combined. Sorry, did that not make sense> It's just beer lacing really gets to me is all..

This one is tasty and proves the big beer companies shittiness. This is a damn good pilsner where each sip fills the mouth with proper hops and a slight dash of spiciness. The way a good pilsner should be. Each sip brought serious yearning to get out to a patio and then I looked outside and remembered what the current weather situation was.

Thank God for good beer.

This beer gets 4 suds out of 5

Saturday, October 15, 2016

The Fat Bike Teaser Sessions

A ride meant to be by my lonesome ended up being joined by a couple who would have no part of that lonebiker nonsense. Kent and Gord met me in Mackinnon after a first time ride start in Emily Murphy. I had this ride planned in my head at work, as well as yesterdays but fell short due to snow. Tomorrow the plan was to ride Fort Saskatchewan but I am thinking the conditions will suck ass.

Is tomorrow a 'couch' day?

Who the hell cares! A ride happened today.

With the fresh snow there was no question as to what bike to bring today. After seeing the conditions yesterday I knew just what to do. Once I met up with the brethren we proceeded up Mackinnon and down into Laurier. Home of the puppies and shitty puppy owners. The descent into Laurier was sketchy as the fresh wet snow wanted to throw the bikes around like puppets. We rode like men and conquered and soon found ourselves climbing out and into the neighbourhood of Rio Terrace. Previous home of yours truly.

The boys were regaled in many stories as to how I was King of the neighbourhood back in the day. The boys were so impressed they rode up far ahead as if to tell the neighbourhood who is back. It was  a nice gesture.

We dropped into Patricia and avoided all the singletrack (much to Gord's displeasure) and before we knew were at the new bridge leading to Terwillegar via Oliskew.

With a shitty barricade half out of the way we crossed and it was momentous. The first official crossing of the new bridge! As we got to the end security stopped us and nicely told us it is still a construction zone until midnight tonight when the city gets the keys handed over. So the bridge basically as of now is open. Giddy up!

The boys wanted to hit Go trail in Terwillegar and I knew my legs were pretty much done.  Being the true troopers they are the stuck with me heading back. Well Gord did. Kent was close to home so he was done.

In the end, the trails were awesome and the trails were sloppy. Nothing shitty like last Monday but when the mud came it came in droves. Sadly this means the last fat bike ride for a bit. Temperatures are heading up which will destroy this teaser we had.

Get ready for a few weeks of pure shit kids.

potty break and frame bag talk session. 
oh hey... you want to us to cross you? well ok.. 
*Top photo. Credit Gord Brenner. Photo of the year perhaps?

Friday, October 14, 2016

The Last Hoorah Of The Summer Bikes?

The second bike ride in a row where I brought the wrong bike to the rodeo. With snow falling at home I looked at the ground and none seemed to be collecting so I figured the trails would be ok as most of them are covered in trees so it would be that much harder for the snow to collect there right?

Welp... Wrong. This morning the trails went from rideable to Winter fat bike rideable in the matter of a few hours.

October the fourteenth seems a bit early for snow but I reminded myself on where we lived and was ok with it. Although a few more weeks on the nimble Summer bikes would be terrific which lead to one last one on the Moots today.

The ride had literally everything. Great moments, scary moments (which lead to) painful moments, proud moments, Extremely pissed off moments, why is my bike breaking moments, and frustrating moments which all boiled down to a frozen foot run back to the Jeep.

The ride from Mill Creek pool to Capilano Bridge featured some singletrack where I counted five wipeouts all thanks to the thin layer of snow, steep downhills and leaves on the trails. Once the brakes slightly locked up the leaves would throw the bike like a sadistic lunatic would throw his own feces at the hospital staff in a mental ward.

By crash number three I was getting a little bit pissy and had almost had enough. A good five minute sit down on Andre's trail where I contemplated life and being a Costco Dad happened and quickly was back on the bike cause fuck that shit!

Shortly after, wipeouts four and five happened.

I noticed my back brake getting weaker and weaker on Andre's trail. Once at the bridge I had literally nothing back there and between the bike breaking and my pain from all the crashing I resorted to crossing the river and headed home.

The ride ended having to go up into downtown and ride with the cars with frozen feet in a blizzard as they had the entire area closed down to work on the Edmonton Funicular.

In the end, great ride. A fat bike would have been perfect as the falling snow snow made things more and more difficult as the ride progressed.

wipeout #1 on cadillac
i forget what number this is, a victim of the hidden leaves

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

The Downward Spiral Has Begun...

A day after a pathetic bike ride and blog post with warnings about turning into a regular Saturday afternoon Costco superfan the downfall has started.

Waking up today (my Sunday) the legs told me not to use them. Trips up and down the stairs were fraught with pain and misery.

Yes, I should have just manned up and taken the shitbike out for a multi use paved ride but Mrs Lonebiker was home which is a rare occurrence  with both of us working odd shifts.

I had my wife for the day and we were going out for lunch. The catch. We had to go to Costco.  Yes, my two engines were already shot up from zee Germans but my other two were keeping me flying back towards the English Channel and the safety of England. Was this the sudden flak burst that took out engines three and for and started my downward spiral into Germany?

Is it time to sell the bikes? Is it over? Mrs Lonebiker has no issues with the Costco as she isn't a stuck up little priss like her husband.

If you haven't been to the Costco you will notice one thing. It's fucking huge and everything inside follows suit to its fucking hugeness. A 24 pack of bagels! I mean really!

Crowds of people inside created long lines for the checkout.Hordes of people lined up for clothes thrown out on top of tables.

It's been a long time since I have been here and could not believe the amount of merchandise this place held. Everything from car tires to onions (albeit, large fucking bags). It was nuts.

Eventually Mrs Lonebiker texted and said "get back to the front. We are leaving." I was awash with curiosity in the back people watching and looking at all the various items on display.

I didn't really want to leave...

Is this it? Am I coming back on Saturday?  Shit! I don't own track pants, I suppose sweats will do.

Oh dear God... It started.
who needs 4 bottles of sparkling
apple juice? someone please come forward
remember gt snow racers? yep, we had it much better as kids
what kind of enraged maniac needs this much sausage
what the actual fuck?
$1.50 for a big ass hot dog? sign me up!
free food, free food everywhere, the only thing in the
store that wasn't large
what the fuck is exactly going on here?
why.... just why? 50 bags of chips! Really? 
they sell literally anything here
in leaving, a final salute

Monday, October 10, 2016

Snow Day, Mud Day

 A ride that featured fat bikes when realistically it shouldn't have. Given the snow fall in the last few days curiosity got to the better of us and a fat bike meet up was had with members of the the brethren.

The ride started in Capilano and me and Gord went East on Gold Digger to meet up with Kent who rode in from home as his vehicle had gone on driving strike. Quickly a couple bad days at work proved to be worse than thought and I knew my legs were done. Not even 1 km in I was ready to turn back and just forget about this on and head home. Each pedal stroke trying to push a behemoth of a fat bike was burning my legs.

I was with good company though so I pressed on. We met up with Kent in Cambodia  and went back west through mud infested anti nice bike trails.

My five inch 45NRTH tires flung up the mud in a way a sick monkey would fling his shit at you while high on bath salts. My poor Winter bike was never so muddy.

This is shit bike weather. Bring out thee shit bikes. Hath the Lonebiker has spoken.

Keep the good rides at home until it dries or snows a lot more.

Not sure if my distance totalled even nine kilometres. A saddening realization that I might be losing  it. The brethren went on to slay more (shitty) singletrack after I left due to the sad shape of the legs.

Am I on the path of being one of those Costco Dads who hangs out in that cesspool of a shithole every Saturday? Armed in track pants and an appetite for numerous samples?  Completely given up on riding bikes cause it's too hard and now rides quads?

Will those be my Saturdays soon?

Fuck no.

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Destination. Terwillegar Park Footbridge

 A cold and hard one today that had me struggling out of the gate from Kinseman park. The main intent was to see the Terwillegar park footbridge one last time as it is in it's final stage of construction and is set to open within a week or two. The mere thought of the riding possibilities this will open up is really quite mind blowing.

A shame it is opening so late in the year and with the first crossing potentially being on a fatbike in the snow is a bit upsetting but thats just me being a giant bitch.

Nevertheless. The first crossing will be epic.

Today wasn't so epic. At least in how I felt. With just about thirty km hit though no complaints can be had. From Kinseman I went West through Hawerlak, crossed into Laurier where I was immediately chased by a shitty dog and then saw three very stereotypical white women wearing yoga pants, Uggs, and holding a Starbucks coffee undoubtedly talking about their cross fit routines.

Ahhh Laurier...

Eventually I climbed up and hit Patricia Ravine/ Wolf Willow. Call it what you want. I'm seriously surprised this area doesn't have a dumb trail name yet with all the clubs rolling through. I felt skittish on the sketchy stuff and even walked some sections with my tail tucked at the fear of a bad crash. I blamed my lack of riding for that and vowed to get better.

Eventually I was in Oliskew and took in the new bridge. "It seems dippy" I thought. It does look like it rises and drops as you cross but from my shitty vantage point it was hard to tell.

The plan was to ride Selkirk the opposite way but I knew I had nothing in the tank and started to limp back home.

why the red roots? anyone? this better not be what i think it is...
alas... the new bridge looking sexy like lacing dripping down a beer mug