Friday, June 22, 2018

Night Shift Inebriated

Pretty sure it was Jason who noticed the least riding I do is in the middle of Summer as per Strava stats and I took a bit of an offence to it. However, Strava doesn't lie now does it?

Today proved the tale. I would like to say a week of nights was partly responsible but once sluggishly getting to the trail and riding through thick grass covered trails with the humidity beating down and grass and leaves whipped my legs and forearms I honestly wanted no part in riding today. Absolute zero passion was there.

That combined with a rear tire that kept burping with no air kits to solve the problem and being dead tired to the world. It was a miracle I didn't hurt myself as I just casually lumbered over the roots and rocks with no fucks to give.

I blame coming off nights for this poor showing first. It's a tired that you have to live to understand. Sleep doesn't work at times and you lay in bed wide awake yet dead tired. It doesn't happen often as I learned how to control the demon. Last night I didn't follow the proper procedure and paid dearly today.

This did barely get over the minimum 5 km Lonebiker minimum hence the post. Fort Saskatchewan is all prime right now kids (besides the overgrowth.)

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Beer (so I thought) Friday. Strongbow, Apple Cider

Apple cider. The true blue drink of the hot summer days? I'm not quite on board yet although a fine lass from a previous job introduced ciders to me and I was pleasantly surprised. Fast forward to now and I have not had one since that day. Hell I think I even did a review on it. Lets have a look, while you are waiting go watch some youtube videos of model trains or something.

Well fuck... Strongbow Apple Cider I even went on a remote location to do a photo shoot. Can't have repeats on here now can we?

Having this again I agree with what was written although I would knock the rating down to 3.5. It just didn't excite me as much as back in the day. We will try to get some other cider to review before Summer ends, although the back lot of unreviewed beer is pretty full right now.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Pedalling for Harambe

 A longer route chosen with absolutely zero intent of riding the singletrack as the thought of not wanting to ride the wet trails and be 'that guy.'

Although the trail entrances seemed fine and the few people I saw riding mountain bikes were fairly clean. Unless they were avoiding the trails as well. Given the wind we had my guess is things are ok right now.

I don't care though. I was happy with the plan. A decent ride on paved and the very odd multi use. It was the land of the shopping carts and apartments near the Heritage LRT where I started. The climb out of Whitemud ravine was it's usual dickhead self and almost killed me. Well if it wasn't for a decent looking woman sitting on a bench three quarters up I would have stopped and got my shit together. But I'm a dumb guy and saw "woman" and had to show off my killer climbing skills.

I'm sure she was very impressed as I wheezed by in the lowest of the granny gears probably with the face of a man who just had a thousand strokes. Sucking in air like a lifetime smoker on his portable oxygen tank.

Terwillegar MUT was ridden and it got a bit euphoric as some clouds came over top creating a hauntingly amazing scene. Bits of trees and branches layed askew across the trail giving some clarity on the weather that had passed through.

I climbed out and rode around town for a bit. Ending up downtown and dodging cars once the bike lanes abruptly ended which they tend to to. I had enough and made it back in the valley and took Mackinnon back into town for more car riding torture.

Eventually I found the valley again via the Zoo and started to limp home as the fatigue set in.

Monday, June 11, 2018


I don't want to be another one of those people that is going to talk about the heavy winds today because if you are in the Edmonton area it was the main weather discussion. 90 kilometre and maybe higher gusts were the order of the day making things a bit uncomfortable on the flat areas as sand pebbles would rocket along and slam into my face. Yes. It was a bit annoying.

The wind did bring the ride to an earlier than expected end as it was a bit too much. The gusts had me come almost to a complete stop on the steep downhills, helmet sliding back and camelback acting like a sail. All the while said pebbles and what felt like small rocks pelted my face relentlessly.

The route from Emily Murphy to Hawerlak and Laurier was all done on pavement. I crossed Quesnell  and checked in on my shiny balls to see if they were ok with the wind. Of course they were. It's the Talus Dome bitches! That big pile of silver balls could handle anything! I climbed up Grandview and remained mainly city/ urban for the remainder of the ride.

Not exciting but still a win over the insurance shopping quest that was coming.

Sunday, June 10, 2018


You know how you feel greasy after sitting through a movie at a theatre? Covered in popcorn grease and spilled pop. You can literally grab a rag and rub the grease off your forehead as the credits for Men in Black 4 roll by and you seriously contemplate your life decisions. That is pretty much how I felt at the end of this one. Without the regret of course cause it was a bike ride which trumps pretty much anything. Did they make a MIB 4? Hmmm... I could Google that but I guess I'm not really all that interested.

The lack of riding as of late was for Lonebiker Jr, the eldest. Vehicle shopping has taken over and thankfully it ended today. A new vehicle added to the mix has created a traffic jam in my once wide open driveway. Seeing the joy makes it all worthwhile though and I snuck out for a quick 15-20km ride (I really don't know how far I went) in the rain.

The old school Mill Creek space was chosen as the launch pad and I took the Whyte ave area bike lanes to the High Level with a planned crossing but I kept going. "Fuck You High Level!" I yelled as I passed by. Now why would I diss my favourite bridge? Sheeit son. I gotta look at my heart and see what's wrong.

After cruising around the University I descended into the valley and crossed the sexy new Walterdale all the while feeling the heinous stare of the High Level as it glared at me for the mad disrespect I displayed as I passed by. I kissed my two peace fingers and waved it towards the almighty black bridge to appease the bridge Gods and I felt like it worked.

It was probably the water sloshing in my shoes as I peddled through the wetness that made me think. Ehhhh, maybe it's time to head back. The cold wetness shivers crept in afterwards so I did what most real men would do. A hot bubble bath complemented by candles and chill out music. Fuck ya!

don't think this guy is really making a good name for himself, be nice kids

Friday, June 8, 2018

Hitchhiker City

Not much for legs today all thanks to a few too many post beer review beers and Netflix. I’m not gonna lie. It was pretty fun. I had pondered on staying home and going on a social network spree and be entertained by all the insecure folks who are lashing out at people after they stated a point about something in life that they prefer. Message boards and group chats can be so much fun sometimes. The insecure weak ones usually lash out the greatest. I did however think of how annoyed I'd be and chose bikes instead. Bikes vs dickheads? Bikes win hands down. 

I was wondering when my legs were going to blow up. Each climb had the risk of disaster with the push of each pedal stroke. Thankfully that never happened and given the condition I was in I felt fine. Even made some pretty fast times on some of the trails. Win win. 

I rode with the spirit of a strongly haunted crazy man with bipolar disorder riding the paved and randomly choosing trails to ride blindly and then getting shit back out in the pave ignoring good trails mindlessly spinning cranks.

The green hitchhiker worms are back in a big way in areas. I don't mind the worms just hate the silk thread that gets all over your arms and face. At one point I had counted twelve worms that I could see on me. One guy I named Willy hung around my stem for a long portion of the ride. He disappeared on the upper Mill Creek singletrack and I shed a tear or two. I thought we had developed a pretty good rapport. 

The trails ridden were... Ah screw it. Here are the tracks. 

Thursday, June 7, 2018

Beer Friday. Shepard Neame, Spitfire Amber Kentish Ale

Beer Friday done live again after some confusion last set of days off as to whether I would be gone or home. It turns out I am home and that means I'm off as of yesterday evening which allows a beer review to be done in a rare Lonebiker exclusive Live event spectacular.

A small crowd has even gathered outside! Imagine that? Chants of "Beer Friday"were yelled every time a car would pass as the crowd hoped to see some sort of sign of maybe a pourer, back up pourer or perhaps even an intern!

As for the first day off? No rides sadly,  just vehicle shopping for one of the Jr Lonebiker family members, it seems the older I get the faster the day travels which is a true bummer. Cause you know what that means? Death is lurking around a soon corner.

Oh fack! I didn't just go there did I? This just got very dark in a hurry.

Here! I'll save it right now with this video..

One hour of straight cats

This beer was named after perhaps the greatest fighter plane in the history of the world. The Spitfire. One of the heros of World War Two this plane flown by the bravest pilots who helped fight off the Germans in the battle of Britain. A dark and terribly scary time for England.The brewery behind it is Shephard Neame. Founded in 1698. Holy shitballs! What did I just type!?

Sixteen-Ninety-Eight.... Just let that sink in for a minute or two. Think of how old that is. Understandably the cool factor in this beer just went up ten fold. We won't let the old cool bias come into play during judging will we? Nope. We are professional.

The beer which was named in honour of the Spitfire was poured and a golden murky brew filled the tester glass. A one and a half fingered head appeared and soon went away like a dark shadow on  a night ride. The first sip was taken and we were a bit taken back as it seemed to be a tad watered down. Or is this how North American jackasses review beers without a full understanding of what goes into making them? The strength is low to low moderate. Some earthy tones come into play but nothing that comes with a resounding wallop to the mouth. The website says it's high on the bitter but I'm not getting that in any way.

What is this is to me? A gentle lad of a drink to be had before bedtime while reading the BBC news on your iPad. Its subtle and quiet, much like the British were thought to be in World War Two. Or maybe not..  Not great but historic. The Union Jack on the top is a nice touch I'd say..

This beer (sadly) gets 2.5 suds out of 5.

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Friday, June 1, 2018

Beer Friday. Lake of the Woods, Forgotten Lake Blueberry Ale

This stuff right here kids. The stuff of legends when working at the mine in the Lake of the Woods district. Well at least for our guys it was. At 7.1% it would tap you on the shoulder and perk you up. Then right after it would punch you straight in the chin where you would wake up several hours later with a terrible headache. Empty Blueberry cans everywhere.

I thought I did a Lake of the Woods brewers review on here before but between myself, the executives and some of the disheveled interns we cannot find it. I swear I remember writing about Kenora after looking it up online. Dammit! Those damn blueberries!

Well... Kenora. Where this brewery hails is one hell of an amazing town. After rolling through a few times for work after flying into Winnipeg I was officially sold on the cabin side of Ontario I used to always roll my eyes when hearing about cause I was a typical Albertan. "Ain't nuttin better than Berta! We got mountains bitches." I would often say.

Kenora doesn't need mountains. It has a whole lot of awesome in just about every corner. It reminds me of a very nice British Columbia resort town. The downside is the lack of riding which is clearly evident. The upside is the lakes. Hundreds of lakes interconnect laced with real cabins. Real cabins. Not houses put on a lake lot like you get in Berta. Cabins on islands and tons of fly in fishing kinda makes one wonder if he could give up riding and live there.

Excuse me while I go stick my head in the toilet and flush repeatedly until some sense starts to kick in.

Ahh... Better now. I can't fuckin believe I typed that.

And left it...

So nuff said about the town. The brewery is pretty great as well. The pour happened and our heads all simultaneously exploded as the dark murky beer splashed on the insides of the glass and then sat with a one and a half fingered head that was in and out like a vegas prostitute. We sipped and the first taste was one of carbonated water. The blueberry was there but you had to send a team out to find the true taste. The rest of the flavours are there. A fruity array of everything it seemed. Like one of those fruit cakes you get at Christmas. Only not so shitty.

I remember these being much better when at work. Not at work, they were drank after you judgy bastards.

This beer gets 3.5 suds out of 5.

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Pre Rain Scramble?

Reports of rain coming on a day I was going to take the day off to do some good old fashioned boring old man stuff turned into a bike ride. Win win is all I can say about forgetting about doing chores for the freedom of riding a bike.

The ride from the Staff College area into Go trail and then Flat Pete is turning into a regular theme. Is this the new Old school Mill Creek parking spot? Doubtful about that one but it's a pretty good starting spot as you are on singletrack in less than two hundred meters.

The weather was perfect and cool making the experience all that much better. The Monday to Friday chumps were at work making the trails free and clear for this chump riding them.

Really nothing exciting to report. Some rain from I'm assuming the previous night had left some puddles in certain areas but other than that the trails were tacky and sexy. Like a bride on her wedding night. Ken... What the actual fuck!?

Selkirk Knights did me in sadly. The relentless climbs finally killed my legs. I tried to stay positive on the way back telling myself how I worked too much which killed my stamina. I'll use that as an excuse for the time being.

Whatever. Don't care. Riding is still top notch.

Monday, May 28, 2018

The Chillax Sessions

A ride that had trails and downtown bike lanes on an incredibly sweet day. A slow and easy pace with many stops, hence a few pics.

Don't feel like writing so please don't be offended.

Sunday, May 27, 2018

The Proctology Sessions

 Well maybe the name of this one isn't so deserving as the reason for it did come near the end of the ride when Kent's saddle came flying off his seatpost. It was a creative title though so we will just leave it but absolutely nothing happened otherwise on this ride that would warrant naming it for the practice of proctology.

Ok... Well damn it.. This is getting weird. Two guys alone in the woods. Ya I know what you chumps are thinking. Guys... Hell no. Gross. I mean really...

This was all about his seatpost.

Why you gotta be so judgy?

As for the ride? Quite good, although work mode is hard to shake for yours truly. Minor issues with the bike have raised some eyebrows a bit.

Fort Saskatchewan still has that feeling of being out and remote although the town ruined that by placing those paved paths deep on the trail system. Loud kids sadly ruined the moment by being well... Loud.

It was all good. The ride was good in a sense of clearing almost everything. Giddy up.

The ride did come to an end once the seatpost fell apart. Luckily we were close to home.

Ryan and the Goslings from sherijumper on Vimeo.

Friday, May 25, 2018

Blowout at the 3.65 KM Mark

A return to normal life after twenty three days of life on the road. Eat, sleep, work was the norm and I was so well adjusted to things I had forgotten about trails and bikes. Probably a good thing as it would be a bit depressing to think of riding when away and working.

Getting back to the bike is a bit of a challenge. The first day at home after a long stretch is usually filled with strong feelings of wanting to do a whole lot of fuck all and nothing. I turned doing fuck all and nothing into a trip to Capilano where I rode up into the hills full of piss and vinegar. The lack of bikes had taken it's toll and every fibre of my body was wanting to ride singletrack and get high off the awesome.

Moon Raker? Or is it Lander? Fuck it. Who cares. It was awesome and I was on Goldigger feeding the singletrack heroin straight into my blood stream. Every hill was climbed and I was proud of how things were going. Really... Quite proud boys and girls.

All that high came crashing down quickly on Pipedream where my legs blew out quite hard. The climb up at the end to get to the three fun little downhills was quite the effort and I contemplated walking.

The ride ended limping back on paved trails. To think I almost went to Bragg Creek today... Phew. That would have been an epic disaster.