Thursday, December 5, 2019

Beer Friday. Caravel, Castaway Coffee Lager

Good morning. For the first time in Lonebiker history we are bringing you the first ever beer review done at 8 am in the morning. Yes I know what you are thinking. Maybe there are signs of a serious problem at hand, no I didn't wake up at seven, eat breakfast and commanded the beer review team to be here. My week of work is done from night shift. A fun part of the industry I am in where work will go twenty four hours a day three hundred and sixty five days a year. It just doesn't stop.

So get your finger off the twelve step hotline. We are just going to enjoy an after work beer is all. My night is now your morning until now. The rotation is over. No more nights till the end of the month.

I hope I stated my case clearly.

As for time off. A rather bad cold seems to be brewing which almost sent me home a couple nights but I sucked it up. I am quite melancholy as a dump of fresh snow has graced our valley and I am hearing things are quite epic out there but I could be on the sidelines for a bit.

Caravel brewery located close to the Calgary airport has won several awards including the one we have in our grasp. Thank brethren member Kent for the donation. I tried to find out if this is Calgary's version of Ally Kat but you know what? I'm dead tired and I just want to get through this now that I started it.

Yes, the fatigue is hitting me quite hard right now.

Lets pour! The irony of this being a coffee flavoured beer is quite uncanny considering it is being done in the morning. Some of the interns think this was set up that way but it was a random beer taken out of the beer stash, I swear!

It poured a dirty golden hazy colour. At 4.8% this will be the perfect morning pre bed treat. It smells of coffee with a dried Fall leafy essence.  The taste is a bread like, almost doughy. Hints of coffee adorn this muddied water brew. What would a coffee lager be without bringing in tastes of coffee? Other earthy tastes compliment this one. Yeast and other earthy tones that I cannot quite pinpoint in my amateur attempt at reviewing beer round this one out. This would be a fine after dinner beer sitting by the fire with a good book.

This beer gets 3.5 suds out of 5.

Goodnight kids.

Tuesday, December 3, 2019

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

Happy Wednesday

Sorry kids. An abscessed tooth took the steam out of my last couple days off of potential riding.

Monday, November 25, 2019

Strathcona County Toe Dipper

The shitbike makes it's rather unglorious return  after our winter came and went in the matter of a few weeks.

Ahhh.. Don't worry. Winter is just shy this year. I saw her hiding behind a ridge of sirrus clouds in the far northeast nervously smoking a cigarette as I pedalled my fine steed of a bike from the top of Forrest Heights and into the mighty splendour of the river valley.

It was an all paved ride as an eastward destination was planned with a look at a paved trail I've seen in the Science Park area.

Well... Not a lot happened on my ride to the Science Park. What exactly were you expecting anyways? I mean it's a non holiday Monday and the weather is cold so the river valley was a ghost town. Not even a critter was spotted. I did notice the few older people I did see were stopped and staring at dead vegetation. How nice.

As I rode out of the valley in the Science Park I couldn't help but smirk when I noticed old men sitting in their vehicles right on cue. All alone. No phone. No book. No tablet. Sitting and staring. I did want to stop like I always do and ask them what the hell they do down there. "Why, there's plenty of dead vegetation to stare at if you'd just get out of your damn vehicles!" I'd exclaim.

But I rode on...

I made it to the start of a paved trail that has intrigued me for some time now. It was built and maintained by Strathcona County and runs right through the refineries and into Sherwood Park. Maps at the start of the trailhead show this trail going close to Fort Saskatchewan. I'll be completely honest and will let you know I didn't bother taking a good look. Or taking a picture to post on here to help my story. This is why I'm not the number one bike beer blog in the Beau Meadow neighbourhood of the Beaumont region anymore.

I'll try and get better kids. Promise.

I rode the trail to Millenial Place. Sherwood Park's sports district. Hockey Dad's with Bauer pants with cool embroidered 'coach' hockey jackets and Escalades rule the roost. So be aware when riding through. I turned around after Millenial with intentions of coming back one day to explore. I am a bit concerned this trail goes deep into residential purgatory. If that happens I will be out faster than Jason Kenney at an environmental protest.

The return trip? Cold. Uneventful. If you plan on heading out be aware of ice on paths scattered throughout the valley.

the point of return, i vaped and dropped f-bombs to fit in, odd move cause there was nobody there

an exciting part of the trail, train tracks, that's about the best highlight, i thought i saw a dead mouse but it was dirt so tracks it is

some warmth for the return home

potty break ride kickstarter

Saturday, November 23, 2019

Winter Bike Abuse

I really hated this bike ride. Pretty much from the start in Goldstick park when I started getting soaked from the melted snow, Red dirt from the multi use paths in the area flung up and on to my glasses creating a marred red undesirable view as I rolled along ice and water descending slowly into the valley for what would be truly a shit fest.

I was that guy with the Mandarin neck tattoo that I spoke of earlier.

The fat bike was the wrong choice today. The time out was also a poor choice as I chose the warmest part of the day to ride.

I was quite unsure where to go once at the bottom of the valley. Gold Digger was calling my name but the ice and wetness scared me off and I crossed the river and ascended back up top into the residential bullshit for a ride up top of the valley.

Dawson was crossed with the intention of riding the singletrack back to Goldstick park. It was an amazing idea as some of the best Edmonton trails would have been hit with a Hustler ending back at the Jeep.

I looked at the ice on Caddyshack and rode the paved to the Happy ending entrance. It looked ok so I rode up and turned around soon once the heavy off cambered ice sections greeted me.

I hate this weather. I knew this was going to happen after that glorious snow fall we had.

Friday, November 22, 2019

Beer Friday. Something Brewing, Dark Side Schwarzbier

I gotta be honest. I really hate super hero movies and anything science fiction.

Why you ask? Simple answer. I'm an adult.

So when this one came across my desk a couple months ago I had intentions of dumping it down the toilet or using it for basting barbecued chicken. The donation came from one of my very favourite people in the world so the decision was made not to be a pretentious douchebag and just review it like any other normal person would do.

Something Brewing located in Red Deer does not have a website and that absolutely baffles me. Have these guys not been given the memo? They have links to Facebook and twitter so this company has heard about the internet but the very fact they do not have an online presence is quite odd.

I mean.. That is your whole identity as a company. Well, in a way. I mean guys... Even shitty tire repair shops have websites.

*executive leans in. "Enough about these guys not having a website! Enough!" I leaned back "Terry, don't you know how things work these days? I mean where would lonebiker be if we never had a website bro?" I said with arms crossed conveying I was not happy with his arrogant demeanour.

Terry was fired promptly.

We poured and a good looking dark lager appeared in the Forrest Gump tester glass where a large three and one quartered chubby fingered head dissipated into lacing running down the side of the glass. It had dark beer smell. Dark earthy hops with caramel round out the smells. We sipped and it delivered some good making me forget about that stupid movie. You know that stupid movie right? The one that made billions cause it was such a hit that everyone had to see it. But yes... I'm right about the movies being crap. I mean people skip work to see them. Why I hear the special effects are unreal!

So when's that new Star Trek movie coming out? Guys?


Sorry, got off track there. The beer is fine. It is nothing like some of the high end darks that have been on here. I remember a certain group of monks blowing my mind some time ago. It does have a slightly smokey taste with the caramel and dark roasted hops makes this one quite pleasant.

This beer gets 3.5 suds out of 5.

Thursday, November 21, 2019

Gas Emptied in Terwillegar

I had talked with some people at work in regards to what bike I would be taking out today. The conditions at the time told me it was more than likely gonna be shitbike weather. I stuck my head out the door this morning and realized I would be fine with the fat bike.

Just like that dopey white guy with the Chinese lettered neck tattoo that just says "the." I would have been as clueless as that dumb fuck going in to today's ride but I wasn't baby! I had the right bike for the right trails. I looked like a champion amongst champions.

The ride in Terwillegar took me from Staff College to Go Trail and Flat Pete for a Fort Edmonton visit and return home. Have I mentioned the Flat Pete extension here yet? Pretty sure I have. It is a carbon copy of the original Flat Pete with the exception of the drop into the mini gully (is that the right word? Oh well) I know you all get what I threw down. The new extension avoids BDSM which is fan-fucking-fantastic. The Log trail links up the Flat Pete trails and it is a very good little excursion. Very unchallenging but fun. Hard to explain.

The ride ended with a lame ride through residential after blowing up before the start of Go Trail. Hell... I didn't even want to ride the multi use.

Snow conditions today. Very good, A couple slips on corners but things are prime right now. Get out there chumps.

we live in real weird times

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Happy Wednesday

This guy right here... Holy shit! Sent in via brethren broski Kent.

Sunday, November 17, 2019

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Slips and Smiles

A day a bike ride should not have taken place. A day off gave the opportunity and I took it unlike all the other opportunities I had while on days off.

A mix of descent snow with ice patches thrown here and there to keep you honest. A ride in the usual Lonebiker old school area was had. That's Mill Creek to the newbs.

Sorry, not a lot to say. It was awesome. Nuff said. We really need to capture these moments in a pill. I'm pretty sure you would be a billionaire amongst the dark and evil pharmaceutical companies within a few months.

Monday, November 11, 2019


Finally a fat bike ride where they belong. On white and glorious snow. This kind of snow is what fat bike dreams are made of and it delivered Saturday morning. I think I waited too long to get out but I did the proper thing and met up with Gord. A good move. The longest standing brethren member although I did meet Jason shortly after. Our first ride was Terwillegar over ten years ago. Myself, Him and a fellow named Dana? Dan? Danno? Daniel? Dannish? Dandrick?

Oh yes now I remember. Donny!

Ya we know that is wrong. I'm pretty sure I got the name right on the first swing. Now relax ok. I'm simply going for humor and trying to fill up this block with words so I can get back to my post ride Seahawk viewing party.

So that bike ride happened years ago and another meet up went down ten years later. It was a MillCreek meet up where we immediately left the upper pool parking lot and found Earthshaker.

Trail conditions? Sugar snow with packed trails prevalent. The power climbs were either ridden up and  ascended after slipping. I made the most awward ways up with my bike in hand. Luckily nobody was there too see.

The ride took us from MillCreek to Andre's via mid Ewok. My 5" Dillengers did their thing. Gord and his Stache and his 3" Chupacabra's which would have given any lesser man a world of trouble. Not Gord though. Fuck ya Gord... Fuck ya.

*Gord Brenner pics from top. #4. #7.

Saturday, November 9, 2019

Beer Friday. Clown Shoes, Undead Party Crasher

With a bounty of fresh snow we are bringing you Beer Friday direct from the.... Well damn it I couldn't think of anything clever to write.

Let me try again..

With a bounty of fresh snow we are bringing you Beer Friday direct from the the North Pole.

Ok, that sucked. One more.

With a bounty of fresh snow we are bringing you Beer Friday direct from the the White House.

Hot diggity damn that sucked.

Yes. thank God it snowed. I really am sorry about the Dad jokes. I was hanging out with thug #2 today (lonebiker offspring) and can only think in bad Dad joke rhythm. Wow. This is so white of me, I mean really.. The bad jokes, the Dad bod, the wondering about my RRSP's contribution at work. Should I just cave and go get that Dodge Caravan? I mean I am probably about eighteen years too late, so it ain't happening.

I'll just drink a beer instead and give you my thoughts.

Clown Shoes located in Boston. Home of many things awesome including the awesome accents that very oddly turn on a lot of ladies. Also home to some prominent sports teams who like to win. Clown Shoes opened in two thousand and nine and were bought out by Mass Bay brewing in two seventeen.

We poured in the testing lab and were greeted with a very dark and angry looking beer. This one looked like it was angered by a wrongful death of a family member and it wanted revenge. At 9% we felt the fury as it gazed up at us from the glass. A short and stubby one thumb head eventually evaporated to the point of a thin layer with lacing hanging on the sides. Oh yum!

We sipped but not before enjoying the strong aroma. Dark chocolate, nuts and some sort of Christmas scent that I could not really discern. The sip gave me a good malty shot of chocolate with a bit of a bitter kick. It is very slight, the bitterness that is. This one is classic craft beer. Dark chocolate. Old beat up citrus. roasted nuts. The high alcohol is definitely noticeable.

This beer gets 3 suds out of 5.

Oh shit! I got it! The Christmas flavour! It's mistletoe!

Wait... mistletoe..?

Friday, November 8, 2019

Shit Slop (The Fat Bike Edition)

A ride on the wrong bike in shitty conditions on the start of another set of days off. The fatback was ridden in wet sloppy conditions on paved trails. I swear I heard my tires screaming in agony as I rolled along on the studs on plain wet boring pavement evidently wanting to put an end to their existence.

They fought back though. Don't think for a second that those big ass tires are going to sit idly by as you force them to ride boring paved bullshit forcing the studs that keep you safe in the sketchy Winter by grinding their tops off on the asphalt. The tires retaliated by throwing a 5 inch swath of shit up my legs and back in a relentless effort to the spike injustice I was putting the bike through. I swear I was soaked within three kilometres. I could feel the wet sand that was picked up and thrown up from the ground on my inner thighs immediately.

This is shitbike weather kids and I epically failed and missed the memo.

The ride took place in the Capilaon area. A lot of ill-speak from yours truly about this one but you know what? It was all win win. Coming off nights I am usually a pile of shit for a few days and this was my first full day off. When a bike ride happens after nights the bike heavens open up and rain down happy bike vibes.

What will happen tomorrow? Will I ride? Will I be stricken from working a week of all nighters?

Oh man, you guys are gonna fall off your chairs in anticipation.

potty break late 2k19 yo!

Monday, November 4, 2019

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Pre Halloween Monster Stomping

I could not think of another name for this ride post. Hence. this is what you get.

Halloween is a day away, and I think I did pretty good for the time of year. I mean you get monsters. You get stomping.. I mean that's violent. That is Halloween isn't it? Scary shit mixed in with a little bit of entertaining violence?

Come on...  I mean look at those pictures. Who wears gloves with holes like that? Look at that bike saddle! Ouch! You go out in public like this lonebiker?

Ya! It's Halloween bitch! Your supposed to be disheveled in a way...

*Intern leans in whispers "halloween's tomorrow. Did you forget already? I mean you wrote it three short paragraphs ago."

Why yes. I am aware of the time of year. And I fired that intern too for standing up to me.

A bike ride from Kinseman.. No wait. Old Timers! Yes it was Old Timers cabin that started one of the best bike rides of the year. That last sentence was written knowing the lack of riding taken place this year. Why my Strava kindly reminded me I rode my bike three times this month. That's great, and fuck you Strava.

Conditions are impeccable right now. So get out there kids. The riding could not get any better than this. It is amaze right now.

I gotta go back to work so you know. Think I'm gonna take that thought out of my head by beating the shit out of that intern now trying to get out of the secured parking lot but that little bastard had his swipe card revoked upon firing.

Ha ha ha! I'm evil.