Sunday, July 29, 2012

The Rewards of Projectile Vomiting While Riding

 
I swear. This has never happened to me until today. Just after climbing a steep hill I decided to chug some water from my camelback and started to choke on it, I stopped my bike and tried to fight it but quickly vomit was spewing out of my mouth in a way that would make any sorority douchebag very proud. Once the act began I managed to aim off the trail and "most" of it went into the trees. Of course I'm not going to say where this happened cause that would spoil any sort of surprise. I did kick what was on the trail off the trail, knowing you and I have no idea what we may have rode through in this fine city over the years. I'm sure there have been some nasty bodily fluids land in places you and I don't want to think of.

Sadly, throwing ones stomach contents out of ones stomach does inevitably ruin the ride. The ride that began in Capilano Park, which at the beginning of the ride there were 5 different groups of people in two's riding high end Specialized or Giant mountain bikes... All squeaky clean! Not a speck of mud on them! I wondered if the trails were magically dry knowing all to well these folks were not using those fine mountain bikes for their intended purpose. Even their Lance Armstrong jerseys were freshly ironed... Damn. What's going on? Oh I forgot. It's Sunday!

I myself found mud, the trails on the North end were pretty much good to go. Maybe a little too tacky in areas but they were fine. Of course the mud puddles were rampant throughout. The ride took me from Capilano to the bridge next to the Queen. From there I rode on the southside. Stopped abruptly and had an "incident" and was quickly sapped of all my energy (and stomach contents) and limped back to Capilano where I found refuge with my Jeep.

a potty break, not a barf break 
this is how one who rides a nice mountain bike legs should look during
a ride in the current rain infested river valley, it's mud, don't be afraid,
with that being said, please don't ride snotty trails! this is from puddles.