Monday, June 2, 2014

Bailout On Conners Hill @ 17:19 hrs


An incredible yet exposed ride tonight from Mill Creek to Capilano park using both sides of the valley. Slippery, muddy conditions in Mill Creek made me think the whole valley was pure muck. I learned using Mill Creek as a barometer was a bad idea as I stuck to the singletrack in Dawson park and was rewarded with great conditions that made me grin from ear to ear. The bike was incredible tonight and I seriously questioned why I rode a full suspension. That worry will be quenched on the next Altitude ride. The exit from Dawson featured an almost spectacular wipeout as I was railing fast on the downhill heading towards Capilano bridge, where my hand slipped off the bar forcing me off the trail where screams of ladylike terror rained through the valley as I thought I was going to the emergency room after tonight's ride, luckily my 20 years of experience came to and I recovered and rode like a champ.

mill creek is greasy, no this wasn't the end result from a potty break, that's disgusting kids
The ride did have somewhat of a surprise though. The situation was much worse than the almost wipeout that would proceed after this incident. In my pre ride planning I had forgot to pack tights that keep all my guy parts packed away ever so nice. That combined with loose fitting boxer shorts and a forgetful moment of zipping up one's zipper after a potty break resulted in... Well, lets just say things got awfully "drafty" down below in my special area and it forced the one and only occupant to come out and have a look. A sniff around if you will... On Conner's hill right beside the Pyramids I looked down whilst descending I realized in a panic state that I was exposing myself to Edmonton and the world to see. Now I really  don't blame him for coming out and looking. If I was all cooped up inside underwear pretty much my whole life I would look if I had the chance. I mean, who wouldn't? But the river valley? Come on...

Once at the bottom a quick tuck in, zip up, and look around making sure I was safe... Hopefully safe...? I sped off wondering how and why I get myself into these strange situations. So if you happen to see me in the valley, please let me know if things are not where they are supposed to be. I would really appreciate it. A guy exposing his wiener on a mountain bike in the river valley will be all over the morning news. Believe me, I know how these things go.

Below is a pretty good representation of what I saw when I looked down while descending fast down Conners hill.