Saturday, April 10, 2010

An important guide to peeing in heavy wind in the outdoors (for men only)

some of the goodness that was bestowed on me today

I took the Stumpjumper out thinking it would have been really crappy riding but was quite surprised when I got down there , dang ! I could have ridden the Moots ! (the new improved Mojo isn`t going out till next Saturday will be an event)

I don`t want to declare it "open" just yet as there is still some work to be done as far as drying , and melting but it`s looking pretty darn good !

On to the lesson .............

STEP 1 . Find a good spot for the business that shall take place . Privacy is number one and you should always think long and hard if this is the right spot . You do not want anybody around . Take headphones out as hearing will be one of your biggest allies ! You do not want people coming up on the trails ! As mentioned "privacy" is very important and as you can see in the above picture I thought about it long and hard and decided peeing off the bridge into the river in Downtown Edmonton would be just downright stupid son .

STEP 2 . Check wind .......VERY IMPORTANT ! You do not want the wind to blow that stuff back onto your jacket , shorts or worse , your face ! The strong wind can be a menace , and when you come back from a bike ride smelling like urine you are going to have some serious explaining to do with your significant other . leaves , grass even dirt can tell you the direction of the wind . Use these gifts of nature wisely before you give your "gift" back to nature . Remember this ! It is of upmost importance that you pee with the wind .

STEP 3 . Congratulations ! You are doing something that the other half of the population only wishes they can do . Stand proud , you are a man ! This is what we do , we urinate standing proudly in the outdoors ! You have done your safety checks , you are all alone , the wind is blowing with you carrying your unwanted body waste far away and into that homeless mans face ...........OH SHIT ! I DIDN`T SEE HIM THERE ! QUICK GET BACK ON THE BIKE AND RIDE ASSHOLE ! RIDE AS FAST AS YOU CAN ! HOW COULD YOU BE SUCH A DOUCHEBAG ! YOU SCREWED UP STEP 1 ....... STEP 1 !

Beer Friday. Apex Predator Brewing, Double IPA

  Rolling into another end of Saturday on the laziest of days off and we found Apex Predator brewing's Double IPA. Apex Predator hails f...