Saturday, April 10, 2010
An important guide to peeing in heavy wind in the outdoors (for men only)
some of the goodness that was bestowed on me today
I took the Stumpjumper out thinking it would have been really crappy riding but was quite surprised when I got down there , dang ! I could have ridden the Moots ! (the new improved Mojo isn`t going out till next Saturday .......it will be an event)
I don`t want to declare it "open" just yet as there is still some work to be done as far as drying , and melting but it`s looking pretty darn good !
On to the lesson .............
STEP 1 . Find a good spot for the business that shall take place . Privacy is number one and you should always think long and hard if this is the right spot . You do not want anybody around . Take headphones out as hearing will be one of your biggest allies ! You do not want people coming up on the trails ! As mentioned "privacy" is very important and as you can see in the above picture I thought about it long and hard and decided peeing off the bridge into the river in Downtown Edmonton would be just downright stupid son .
STEP 2 . Check wind .......VERY IMPORTANT ! You do not want the wind to blow that stuff back onto your jacket , shorts or worse , your face ! The strong wind can be a menace , and when you come back from a bike ride smelling like urine you are going to have some serious explaining to do with your significant other . leaves , grass even dirt can tell you the direction of the wind . Use these gifts of nature wisely before you give your "gift" back to nature . Remember this ! It is of upmost importance that you pee with the wind .
STEP 3 . Congratulations ! You are doing something that the other half of the population only wishes they can do . Stand proud , you are a man ! This is what we do , we urinate standing proudly in the outdoors ! You have done your safety checks , you are all alone , the wind is blowing with you carrying your unwanted body waste far away and into that homeless mans face ...........OH SHIT ! I DIDN`T SEE HIM THERE ! QUICK GET BACK ON THE BIKE AND RIDE ASSHOLE ! RIDE AS FAST AS YOU CAN ! HOW COULD YOU BE SUCH A DOUCHEBAG ! YOU SCREWED UP STEP 1 ....... STEP 1 !